Starting Over
by Brulian4ever
Summary: After Julian's unexpected death, Brooke has to learn to move on and live life without him for herself and for her boys. Brooke Centric. No definite pairings as of yet, although I do have some ideas in mind. Rated T for some language.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N - Hey guys. Here's a new story that I started working on. It takes place after the series finale. It's Brooke centric, but will feature almost everyone from the show. I was always a little confused about how old the kids were supposed to be in the time jump in the finale, so my guesses on the ages are just that, but for the purposes of this story they are as follows: **

**Jamie Scott - 16**

**Sawyer Scott - 10**

**Logan Evans - 10**

**Lydia Scott - 7**

**Jude Baker - 6**

**Davis Baker - 6**

**I have the second chapter finished and that should be posted soon. As always, I own nothing. The rating is T, mostly because I have a potty mouth. I hope you enjoy and please review! :)**

Lucas looked up from his laptop as his cell phone rang, glancing at the clock. It was early. Really early. Who could be calling at this hour? He was only up because he hoped to get a few hours of writing in before Sawyer woke up and Peyton came to pick her up. He picked up the phone and stopped when he saw the caller ID, quickly lifting the device to his ear.

"Haley?" There's silence on the other end of the line. "Hales, are you there?"

"I'm sorry Luke. I hope I didn't wake you, but…" Haley's voice cracks on a sob and Lucas immediately freezes.

"Haley, what's going on? What's wrong?" Lucas' heart starts to pound and fear grips him as Haley breaks down crying.

"Luke, you need to come home. There's been an accident." Haley says through her tears.

"An accident?" Lucas immediately jumps to his feet, rushing toward the door so he can make his way toward his bedroom. "What accident? Is it Nathan? Oh god, tell me it's not Jamie or Lydia."

"No, they're fine. Lucas, you guys need to come home for Brooke." Lucas' hand freezes as it closes around the doorknob and he suddenly feels like his legs are about to give out on him. Brooke was in an accident?

"What happened? Is she OK? " Lucas can barely get the words out as he grips the doorknob tighter, willing himself to open the door but not being able to move.

"Brooke wasn't in the accident. Julian was. He didn't make it." Haley begins to cry again but it's all that Lucas can do not to audibly sigh in relief that Brooke is at least physically OK. "I don't know what to do for her or the boys. She says that she's handling it but you know Brooke. She always deals with the bad stuff alone, that hasn't changed. She needs the people that she loves around her. She needs all of us. She needs you…" Haley's words seem to snap Lucas out of his reverie and he finally pulls the door open, practically ripping the door off his hinges "…and Peyton."

"I'll be there as soon as I can." He doesn't hear or acknowledge the last part of Haley's statement. "I'm glad you called me Hales. We're going to get her through this. I promise. I'll text you the flight information as soon as I have it." Lucas hangs up before Haley can respond, bolting up the stairs and throwing the door to his bedroom open, flipping the light switch. He quickly starts pulling clothes from the drawer and haphazardly throwing them into a duffel bag before heading back downstairs and booking himself on the next available flight to Tree Hill. As he printed off is boarding pass, he glanced at the clock and made his way back upstairs, quietly opening the door to his daughter's bedroom, a tender smile finding his lips as he looked at the blonde girl sleeping soundly.

"Sawyer, baby, it's time to wake up. Mama's going to be here to get you soon." Lucas shook his 10-year-old gently.

"Daddy, I don't want to…" Sawyer Brooke Scott groaned, rolling over and shoving her head under her pillow again in very Peyton-like fashion. Lucas would have laughed except he didn't have time to fight with Sawyer about getting up. He had to be at the airport in an hour and he would have just enough time to get there once Peyton picked up Sawyer.

"Sawyer, we don't have time this morning, OK. Your Aunt Haley called and I need to go to see them right away. You have to be ready when your Mama comes. No dilly dallying this morning." Lucas knelt next to the bed. "Can you do that for me?"

Sawyer nodded, climbing out of bed and heading into the bathroom. She came out not long after, fully dressed, just as the doorbell rang and Sawyer immediately ran to greet her mother.

"Hi baby. Did you have a fun night with Daddy?" Peyton smiled down at their daughter as the door swung open.

"Yeah, except he woke me up really early this morning because he has to go see Aunt Haley." Sawyer lifted her bag, slinging it over her shoulder.

"Haley?" Peyton looked up at her ex-husband quickly. "What's wrong with Haley? Why do you have to go to Tree Hill?"

"Sawyer, I got to talk to your mom for a minute. Do you mind waiting for her by the car? But make sure we can see you, OK?" Lucas kneeled down to look at his daughter again. "I'll see you soon?" Sawyer nodded, oblivious to the fact that her mother looked completely confused.

"OK. Bye Daddy. I love you." Sawyer hugged Lucas, kissing his cheek and heading toward Peyton's car.

"Lucas, what the hell is going on?" Peyton asked when they were alone. "Why are you going to Tree Hill? What happened?" Lucas didn't respond immediately, but instead moved back into the house grabbing his duffel bag and flight information.

"Julian was in a car accident. He's dead, Peyton." Lucas said finally and Peyton felt like she had been punched in the stomach . She stumbled back a couple of steps, catching herself on the step railing, her fingers curling around it.

"What?" Peyton's voice was barely a whisper as she watched Lucas step outside and lock the door. "I don't understand? What…? How…?"

"Haley called early this morning. Julian was in a car accident. He didn't make it. Brooke's a mess. She needs me…" Peyton looks up sharply at his words and Lucas falters for a second. "She's needs us, Peyton. She's needs the people who love her now."

"Of course." Peyton shakes herself out of her haze. He was right. Brooke needed them. Lucas gave her a nod before slipping past her, tossing his bag in the backseat of his car before kissing the top of Sawyer's head again. "But, Luke, we both can't just pick up and go. Sawyer still has school."

"Peyton, Brooke has always been there for us without fail. I'm not going to let her down again." Luke climbed into his car. "Look, it's fine. I'll go now and you guys can come on Friday once school is finished. I'll call you when I get there. Sawyer, I love you baby. Be good for your Mama and I'll see you the weekend, OK?" Lucas pulls out of the driveway and Peyton remains rooted where she for a few seconds before she slowly makes her way toward the car, helping Sawyer into the back seat and buckling her in. She climbs into the driver's seat and her hand freezes when she goes to start the car, the realization of what Lucas had told her finally sinking in. Julian was dead. Regardless of everything, Julian had been an important person in her life and he had made Brooke happy, given her the family she wanted so desperately. He was a good man. How could he just be gone?

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"I don't know how you managed to get here so quickly. But I'm really glad that you did." Haley gave him a sad, watery smile when Lucas emerged through the crowd in the airport the next day. Lucas dropped his bag on the floor and enveloped his best friend in an embrace. "Peyton? Sawyer?" She looked over Luke's shoulder before glancing back up at the brooding blonde.

"Sawyer still has a few more days left to school, so Peyton is going to bring her on Friday once the school is finished." Lucas explained, picking his bag up again and swinging it over his shoulder. Haley nodded but didn't respond as the two made their way out of the terminal. "How is she? How are the boys?"

"She's a wreck Luke." Haley shook her head as they settled into her SUV and she started the car. "I mean, she's trying to put on a brave front for Jude and Davis but…" Haley swallowed a lump in her throat. "They're so young and they don't understand why their mom is so sad and why their dad isn't there. I just don't know what to do for her." Tears spilled down Haley's face and Luke pulled her into another hug.

"It's going to be OK, Hales. I promise." Lucas whispered into her hair.

"He saved Jamie's life." Haley murmured into his shoulder. "He saved Nathan's life. I still have my son and my husband because of Julian. My children still have their father because of him. But, now, Brooke is a widow and Julian's children are going to grow up without him because of something so stupid, so pedestrian. It's not fair, Luke. It's just not fair."

Lucas was quiet for a moment as Haley sobbed into his chest and he tried his best to comfort her. Although logically, he knew that Julian had been a part of the other Scott Family's lives, it had never really dawned on him just how significant he had become in the years since he, Peyton and Sawyer had left Tree Hill. Julian was a member of their family. It wasn't just Brooke and Davis and Jude that had lost someone. Sure, their loss was the most severe, the most palpable, but everyone that he had left behind, Nathan, Haley, Jamie, Lydia, they had lost someone who they cared about too.

"I'm sorry." Haley pulled away, brushing the tears from her face. "You're not here to comfort me. You're here for Brooke. That's who we need to focus on."

"You're right. We do need to focus on Brooke and the boys. But you're grieving too Haley. You should allow yourself to do that."

"I'm really glad you're here, Luke." Haley forced a smile as wiped her eyes one last time before putting the car in drive.

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"Brooke lives here?" Lucas looks over at Haley when they pull up in front of the big white house with the vibrant red door.

"Yeah." Haley nods with a sad smile. "Julian bought it for her when the twins were 1 or so I guess. You know how much Brooke loved being the girl behind the red door." Haley put the car in park and took the keys from the ignition. "Come on. Everyone is inside. You can leave your bag in the car if you want." Haley climbed from the vehicle and Lucas followed close behind as they made their way up the familiar path.

"Hey big brother." The front door swung open as soon as they reached it and Lucas found himself face to face with his baby brother.

"Hey Nate. Good to see you." The two hugged quickly.

"I wish it was for a better reason." Nathan's eyes cloudy with worry as he glanced over his shoulder toward the staircase. "Jude and Davis are in the kitchen with Jamie and Lydia. Brooke's upstairs in the bathroom. I think she needed a minute. Jude asked when Julian was coming home." Nathan ran his hand over face wearily and Haley winced for her friend.

"Is she OK?" Haley looked toward the stairs before looking back at her husband. "I should check on her." Haley set her purse down and started up the stairs but Luke's hand on her arm, stopped her.

"Let me." Haley hesitated for a second before nodding and Luke took a breath before slowly climbing the stairs, a weird feeling of déjà vu washing over him.

"Where's Peyton?" Lucas heard his brother ask as he reached the top of the stairs. He didn't look back to see Haley look up at her husband with an unreadable expression, her response nothing more than a slight shake of the head as she headed toward the kitchen to check on the kids.

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Brooke took a deep breath as she splashed some water on her face and looked in the mirror. Her eyes were a little red and puffy. Sighing she reached for her makeup and began expertly applying the cover up. She couldn't let Jude or Davis see her like this. She had to put aside her own grief right now. She needed to be strong for her boys. Her two little miracles. How was she supposed to make them understand why their daddy wasn't coming home, when she didn't even understand it herself.

A knock on the bathroom door snapped her back to reality and she took a breath, carefully dabbing powder to cover the bags under her eyes.

"I'm OK, Nate. I'll be out in just a second." Her voice cracking just slightly and Brooke cringed, closing her eyes as she heard the handle turn and the door open. "Nate, really, I'm OK. I just need a…" Brook lifted her head, opening her eyes as she looked in the mirror and she froze when she locked eyes with the man standing behind her. "Luke?" She slowly turned around to come face to face with him for the first time in years. "What…"

"Haley called me." Lucas finally spoke. "Brooke, I'm so sorry." A broken sob escaped Brooke's lips and she quickly turned away leaning against the vanity, her shoulders shaking slightly. Glancing over his shoulder, Lucas stepped into the bathroom closing the door behind him. "Shh. It's OK." Without thinking he pulled the tiny brunette into his arms. "Just let it out." They stayed that way for a long time before Brooke stiffened, shaking her head.

"I can't…" Brooke pulled away, turning again to fix herself in the mirror. "I have to be strong for Jude and Davis. I'm all they have left now." Brooke refused to look him in the eye as she began applying the makeup again.

"That's not true." Luke paused for a second before taking the compact from Brooke's hand. "You're not alone Brooke. We are all here for you and the boys. You don't have to do this by yourself. Let us help you."

"I can't OK." Brooke finally snaps, grabbing the compact back from him. "My children don't even know you. You're nothing but a picture on the wall to them. You can't help them or…" Brooke cut herself off, closing her eyes for a second. "I'm sorry. I know that your first instinct is to just run in and save everybody but you can't same us from this. You can't fix this, Lucas. I know you want to and I appreciate you coming all of this way for us, but this is one thing that you can't rescue me from."

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"Uncle Lucas!" Jamie's eyes lit up when he saw his uncle walk slowly into the kitchen and then almost just as quickly the excitement in his eyes faded as he glanced at Jude and Davis, who were coloring at the kitchen the table with Lydia.

"Hey, J-Luke." Lucas smiled as he looked at his namesake for a second before pulling the teenager into a hug. He had missed this kid, more than he had realized. "God, look at you. You're as tall as me and your dad now. You must be whooping him on the court these days."

"I beat his Ravens' scoring record." Jamie said proudly but again the smile fell from his face as he looked at his cousins. He loved those two little knuckle heads as much as he loved Lydia and they had just lost their dad. He shouldn't be bragging about basketball when Julian was gone.

"Hey, you're allowed to be proud of your accomplishments." Lucas gently pulled Jamie into the next room away from the kids. "I'm sure Julian was. From what I understand, he loved you a lot."

"I was best man at his wedding to Aunt Brooke, did you know that?" Jamie's eyes filled with tears. "He used to joke that he expected to be best man at mine, even if he was an old man by then. He called me last week, asked me if I wanted to take Jude and Davis to a movie with him, but I was too busy. I wanted to play basketball with Chuck instead. That was the last time I spoke to him. I never got to say goodbye. I never got to tell him that I loved him."

"Oh, buddy, Julian knew how much you loved him." They both turn to see Brooke standing at the foot of the stairs, watching the two Scott men.

"But I just blew him off." Jamie shook his head, swiping at the tears on his face. "I didn't…"

"James Lucas Scott. I want you stop this." Brooke quickly bridged the gap between the two and wrapped her arms tightly around her godson, standing on her tips toes. "Julian loved you so much. Do you know what he said to me last week after you guys talked? He said that he was proud of the man that you were becoming and that he hoped our boys would grow up to be just like you."

"I miss him Aunt Brooke." Jamie hands gripped Brooke's back, bunching the fabric of her dress in his fists. "I miss him so much."

"I know, buddy. I miss him too." Brooke murmured into Jamie's hair, her hands rubbing soothing circles on his back. Neither one noticed Lucas quietly slip back into the kitchen.

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"Hey Big Brother. What are you doing out here by yourself?" Lucas looked up as Nathan stepped out on Brooke's back deck.

"Just getting a little air." Lucas leaned against the railing again. "It just strange being back here. Especially under these circumstances and seeing first hand how important he was to all of you…"

"Who? Julian?" Nathan asked and Lucas nodded. "Well, yeah, of course he was important to us." Nathan paused for a second and Lucas watched pain flash across his brother's face briefly. "I wasn't his biggest fan in the beginning. I thought he was strange, to be honest." Nathan laughed a little, shaking his head. "But you know Brooke and Haley, thick as thieves those two, so Julian and I were forced to spend time together. That's how I got to know him, really know him. He was a good guy. He was good to Jamie and Lydia. He loved his kids. And he made Brooke happy. Happier than I've seen her since…" Nathan trailed off, looking over at his brother again. "Luke, he didn't replace you if that's how you're feeling. But he was here. We shared experiences that can bind people together. He saved my life. He saved my son's life…"

"I know. I know. I just… hearing Haley talk about him and Jamie talk about him, it made me realize how much I've missed. I should have been here. For Jamie, Haley, you. I should have been here for Brooke. I wasn't and I should have been. I shouldn't have had to get on a plane when Haley called. I should have been across town, not across the country."

"Lucas, we all understood why you and Peyton decided to move. So much happened to the two of you here." Nathan paused as he looked at his brother. "Where is Peyton anyway? Haley said something about Sawyer having school?"

"Yeah, we didn't want her to miss that last week so Peyton's going to come down on the weekend." Lucas glanced over his shoulder toward the house where he could see Brooke trying to coax the twins into eating something.

"So, you came? Instead of Brooke's oldest friend?" Nathan questioned and Lucas immediately picked up on Nathan's choice of words. Brooke's oldest friend. That was Peyton's title now. Haley held the title of Brooke's best friend and vice versa. All of that changed when he and Peyton up and left.

"I…" Lucas began but stopped as he looked at his brother. "I didn't really give her a choice." He says finally. "Haley called and I just threw clothes in a bag. I was out the door as soon as Peyton came to pick up Sawyer."

"Jesus, Luke, did you even ask her if she was OK?" Nathan turned to look at Lucas fully. Lucas was quiet for a second before a confused expression crossed his face. "Wow, you are still just a clueless." Nathan shook his head.

"Peyton and Julian had barely spoken let alone seen each other in years." Lucas countered and Nathan scoffed.

"You and Brooke have barely spoken let alone seen each other in years. Didn't stop you from dropping everything the second Haley called, did it?" Nathan shook his head again. "Peyton and Julian cared about each other, maybe it wasn't meant to last forever, but that doesn't change the fact that they did care about each other. You don't get to just ignore their history. And maybe it's been years since they've seen each other, but according to Brooke they always spoke, when Peyton called, even it was only briefly." Nathan paused for a second. "Haley told me what you said to her. That we were all grieving too. That we should let ourselves grieve. I know you guys aren't married anymore but she's still the mother of your child. Did you ever stop to think that maybe Peyton is grieving?"

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"Mama, why did Daddy have to go to heaven?" Brooke felt a tap on her leg and looked down to Jude staring up at her with wide eyes, so much like his father's.

"Oh baby, I don't know." Brooke blinked back tears as she lifted her son into her arms. "But what I do know, is that he didn't go because he wanted to. If he could have, he would stayed here with you and Davis forever. But you know what?" Brooke sat down on the couch, Jude sitting on her lap facing her. "Your daddy is always right here." Brooke tapped the little boy's chest lightly. "He loved you and your brother so much. More than anything else in this world. So when you miss him, you just remember that OK? Remember that he is always right here looking out for you."

"Hey, I think Aunt Haley has made pizza for lunch." The two Bakers look up to find Lucas standing in the doorway to the living room. "I'm pretty sure Davis is saving you a piece with no mushrooms."

"Oh, see, your big brother is looking out for you too, because you don't like mushrooms at all." Brooke gave her son a big smile which seemed to bright too Lucas and he was sure the little boy could tell as well because Jude just looked at his mom for a second before sliding off her lap and heading toward the kitchen, not looking up at Lucas as he passed.

"Thanks for that." Brooke said with a sigh when they were alone. "I just don't know what to say to them." Lucas nodded, silently moving across the room to sit down next to brunette. "I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier. You came all this way and the first thing I do is yell at you."

"You already apologized, Brooke. It's OK." Lucas wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "And you have nothing to be sorry about."

"I just don't know what I'm doing." Brooke sighed dropping her head into her hands. "They keep asking me all of these questions. Where is he? Why did he go away? Questions that I will never be able to answer. It's not like there is even anyone to blame. He didn't get hit by drunk driver. No one was being negligent. He just took a turn the wrong way and lost control of the car. How could something so mundane completely upend our lives?"

"I don't know, Brooke." Lucas shook his head. "Sometimes, crappy things just happen. There's no rhyme or reason to them."

"Yeah?" Brooke barks out a laugh as she looks over at Lucas. "So, I'm just supposed to tell my boys 'shit happens' the next time they ask why their dad is gone?" Brooke's face is so serious that Lucas can't help but smirk a little himself.

"Well, maybe not exactly like that." Luke gave her a look and Brooke finally have him a genuine smile for the first time since he had arrived. "Besides, I think you were doing a fine job with Davis before I came in."

"It's not fair." Brooke shook her head, tears filling her eyes again as Lucas pulled her to his side, his arm tightening around her.

"No, it's not. But you're strong Brooke Davis. You'll get through this. I'm know you will."

"Brooke Davis-Baker." Brooke glanced up at Lucas and he couldn't help but smile. There was the Brooke he knew and loved. He opened his mouth to respond when the doorbell rang.

"I wonder who that is. I really can't handle any more people right now. And I think it's starting to overwhelm the boys."

"Actually, this one is probably my fault." Lucas stood, pulling Brooke to her feet and toward the door just as Nathan and Haley appeared in the kitchen door.

"Your fault?" Brooke looked confused as she reached for the door handle. "What are you talking about?" Brooke opened the door and couldn't stop the tears from bursting when she found herself face to face with Karen Roe. "Karen!" Brooke launched herself toward the older woman.

"Oh Brooke. Sweetheart., I am so sorry." Karen murmured over and over.

"I can't believe you're here." Brooke finally said when she pulled away.

"Lucas called me on the way to the airport. Andy insisted that I take the jet. He is going to be here with Lily in a few days. She's just finishing up her finals so we didn't want to…"

"No, I completely understand." Brooke shook her head before ushering Karen inside. "I can't even begin to tell you how much it means that you're here."

"Honey, of course I'm here." Karen brushed the tear from Brooke's cheeks. "I know we don't get to see each other as often as we would like, but that doesn't mean that you're not still family, Brooke Davis-Baker. Come on. Let me see those boys of yours. I bet they are turning into little heart breakers."

"Just like their dad." Brooke smiled but immediately the smile turned into a grimace, almost as though it physically hurt her to think of Julian.

"It will get easier, Sweetheart. I promise." Karen whispered as the group made their way toward the kitchen. "It's going to hurt for a long time, but it will get easier." Brooke paused outside the kitchen door to look at the woman next to her. Sure, she and her parents had a good relationship now, but that had been years in the making, and for a long time the brunette woman standing next to her was more of a parent than either of hers had ever been.

"How did you get through it?" Brooke finally asks. "Losing Keith? I know how devastated you were, but you handled it with such dignity and I just don't know if I have that in me?"

"Dignity?" Karen looked at her sympathetically. "Oh, believe me, I was anything but dignified. Lucas can confirm that for you. I was a wreck for a long time, but one day I realized that Keith wouldn't want me to spend my life in a perpetual state of grief. He would have wanted me to move on. He would have wanted me to be happy and to make sure Lily was happy. And there is no doubt in my mind that Julian would want that for you and the boys."

"It just feels like I'm sinking under this weight and no matter how hard I struggle I can't break the surface." Brooke dropped her head as a choked sob escaped her lips. She glanced quickly toward the kitchen before bolting into the living room, trying to keep her breakdown away from Jude and Davis. Lucas started to go after her but Karen laid a hand on his arm, shaking her head silently as she followed the younger brunette.

"It's going to feel like that for a long time." Karen sat down next to Brooke, reaching for her hand. "It's not going to be easy and the truth is you never really get over it. You'll learn to live with it. The weight eases with time. The pain that you're feeling right now will dull. You are going to miss Julian. You're going to miss him every day. Just like I miss Keith every day." Karen shrugged, almost helplessly. "I love Andy. He's a wonderful man and he has been an amazing father to Lily, but that doesn't mean that I don't get an ache in my heart when I see the two of them together. Of course I do because it should have been Keith. Keith should have been there for her first steps and her first words. Keith should have gotten to teach her how to ride her bike, but he didn't get to experience any it and sometimes I hate the world for that." Karen paused for a second. "But do you know what makes it easier?" Karen looked at Brooke expectantly. "I get to see Keith every time I look at my daughter. I see him in her smile and the way she laughs. I see him in the kindness that she bestows on everyone from family to complete strangers. That's what gets me through the hard times, knowing that he's never really gone as long she's still here." Karen wrapped her arms around Brooke tightly. "So you let yourself grieve, Brooke Davis-Baker. Cry, scream, rant, rave, break things up if you need to, just get it out of your system. Then when you do, you remember that you still have the two most precious parts of Julian with you."

"I'm so afraid that they're going to forget him." Brooke said through her tears as she leaned into Karen's shoulder.

"They won't." Karen whispered into her hair, pressing a kiss on the top of her. "Because you won't let them. You show them pictures and videos and tell them stories. Show them his movies and the TV show that he made about their mom because he loved her so much." Karen tightened her arms around the younger woman. "Try and think of it this way, Brooke, Jude and Davis had five years with a father that adored them. That's something. It's not enough, it will never be enough, but it's something." Karen paused for a second as she forced Broke to look at her. "You and your boys will get through this. It's going to be a long road and it's going to take time, but I promise you will get through this."


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's the second chapter. I haven't started the third chapter yet. I guess I'll just wait and see the reaction and if anyone wants me to. Please review :) **

"Peyton!" Nathan gave an exaggerated wave as Peyton and Sawyer made their way through the airport. "Hey Sawyer. How's my favourite god-daughter?" Nathan stooped down in front of the little girl. "Look at how big you are. You must driving by now?"

"Uncle Nathan, you're silly." Sawyer giggled as she hugged her uncle and Nathan kissed the top of her head quickly before standing to look at the girl's mother. "A vision as always. Welcome home, Peyton."

"Hey Nate." Peyton felt tears fill her eyes as she wrapped her arms around her former brother-in-law. "It's good to see you." They slowly separated and Peyton looked up at the tall basketball player. "How's she doing?"

"She's Brooke." Nathan shrugged a little. "She's dealing as well as can be expected, I guess." Nathan said as he gathered up their luggage and the three of them made their way out of the airport. "Karen got here a couple of days ago, not long after Lucas actually, I think that helped a lot. But I know seeing the two of you is going to help her too."

"I wish it wasn't like this. I wish something like this hadn't had to happen for me to finally come home." Peyton's voice cracked a little as she strapped Sawyer in the backseat of Nathan's SUV and the little girl looked at her mother confused. "I'm OK baby." She quickly shut the door and climbed into the passenger seat next to Nathan. "I'm glad Karen is here. She always knows how to get through to Brooke, even when the rest of us can't."

"I'm glad that you're here and I know Brooke will be too." Nathan reached over and squeezed her hand as they headed toward the Scott home.

"When's the funeral?" Peyton asked as they pulled into the long driveway.

"Tomorrow." Nathan put the car in park. "I think Brooke has been putting it off as long as possible to be honest. Not that I can blame her. I don't think that I would be able to bury Haley." Nathan winced for a second, suddenly remembering Sawyer and he heaved a sigh of relief to find the girl sleeping in the back seat. "Sorry, Peyton, I forgot about little ears. I don't want step on toes cause I don't know what you've told her."

"The truth." Peyton said sadly. "That Uncle Julian died and that he was with Grandpa Keith, Grandma Anna and Grandma Ellie in heaven. I mean, she didn't know Julian that well, not like Jamie or Lydia, so I don't think it's really affected her the same way."

"Yeah, that makes sense." Nathan nodded as the two of them got out of the car, Peyton opening the backdoor and gently shaking her daughter awake and the three of them headed toward the front door. "Hello!" Nathan called as they entered. A few seconds later, Haley appeared in the front hall.

"Peyton. Sawyer. Hi you two." The shorter brunette rushed towards the blonde mother and daughter, hugging both of them tightly. "I'm so glad you're here. Sawyer, your cousins are all out back if you want to go join them." Sawyer quickly nodded and made a dash toward the back yard. "Brooke's in the kitchen." Haley took Peyton's hand and Nathan followed the two women down the hall. They turned the corner into the kitchen to find Brooke sat at the island, nursing a cup of coffee, staring out the back door to where the kids were all running around. All except her boys that was. She could see Jude and Davis sat on Lydia's swing set, not speaking to anyone except each other.

"Hey." Brooke looked at the sound of Peyton's voice and she couldn't help but give her a watery smile.

"Hey." Brooke stood slowly making her way toward the blonde. "Thank you for coming. I really missed you P. Sawyer."

"I missed you too, B. Davis… Baker." Peyton whispered as she hugged the shorter woman tightly and could feel Brooke shake in her arms as the last word came out of her mouth. "I'm sorry, Brooke. I'm so sorry. Believe me, I know they're just words and that they don't help, but I am sorry. I am so, so sorry."

"They do help, Peyton. You being here helps." Brooke pulled away wiping the tears from her eyes.

"He was a great guy." Peyton squeezed her friend's hand tightly. "That's not to say he didn't have some traits that could make you want to ring his neck…" Peyton smirked and Brooke couldn't stop a small laugh from escaping her lips. "But he loved you and he loved Jude and Davis."

"He did, didn't he." Brooke linked her arm through Peyton's before finally turning to acknowledge Haley and Nathan, who were silently watching the exchange between the two lifelong friends. "Thank you guys. For everything. I don't know that I would have gotten through any of this without all of you."

"We're always here for you, Brooke." Haley hugged her friend tightly. "Always."

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"Hey." Peyton looked up from unpacking her suitcase to find Lucas standing in the doorway.

"Hey." She gave him a small smile before moving across the room to hang up the black dress she brought for the funeral, running her hand over the fabric to smooth the wrinkles out the material. "Have you seen, Sawyer?" Peyton turn to face her ex-husband and Lucas nodded with a smile.

"Yeah, she told me all about her last day of school." Lucas paused for a second. "Listen, Peyton, I just wanted to say I'm sorry about the way I handled us finding out about Julian. I didn't even ask if you were OK. I didn't think about the fact that Julian was someone you cared about too."

"It's OK." Peyton shook her head. "You were concerned about Brooke. She's his wife. I get it."

Have you talked to Brooke?" Lucas asked and Peyton nodded, closing her eyes for a second before heading back to her suitcase.

"Yeah." Peyton put the rest of her clothes away and slid her empty suitcase under the bed. "You know her. She pretends to be so strong…"

"I know. Brooke talks a big game, but I think she's struggling." Lucas sat down on the bed. "Peyton, do you ever feel like maybe we let a lot of people down by leaving? Like we abandoned everyone that we love?" Peyton was quiet for a long time before she took a seat next to Lucas. The two of them had been through a lot together and while their marriage hadn't lasted, it had given her Sawyer, something she would forever be thankful for, and Luke was still one of her best friends, just as he always would be. She was grateful that the two of them had managed to stay close to each other, even through the divorce.

"Yeah." Peyton nodded. "I do feel that way sometimes. I hate that I wasn't here for Brooke's wedding or the birth of her children. I hate that Jude, Davis and Lydia don't really know us. I hate that Sawyer doesn't really know her family and that she will never get the chance to know Julian."

"There's a lot going on right now and I don't want to take the focus from Brooke and the boys but I think we're on the same page, right?" Lucas looked at her and Peyton nodded.

"Yeah, we're on the same page, Luke."

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"Jude? Davis?" Brooke knocked on her sons' bedroom door and slowly pushed it open to find her boys standing in the middle of the room in their little dark suits, ties hung untied around their necks.. "Hey, you guys are dressed."

"We couldn't get the ties right." Jude murmured, dropping his head and Brooke felt her heart break again when Davis reached for his brother's hand.

"Daddy used to always do them." Davis' voice was so low that Brooke could barely hear it and she was quiet for a long moment as she looked at her sons. Swallowing the sob that she could feel rising in her throat, Brooke crossed the room to sit on Jude's bed.

"Well, I'm probably I'm not a good as Daddy was, but I do know my way around a tie. Want to let me give it a try?" She held her hand out to her boys and they both shuffled their way over to her. Making quick work of both boys ties, Brooke sat back with a smile that she prayed was enough to fool her boys. "There. You both look very handsome. Do you guys want to watch a little bit of TV while I finish getting dressed?"

"OK." Jude and Davis nodded and Brooke quickly pulled the both of them into a hug as tears filled her eyes, praying that neither had seen them. She held on to the boys for a long time, willing her tears away, before she finally released them, kissing both on the forehead and they filed out of the room. A few moments later she heard the TV in the living room and Brooke leaned back on Jude's bed, resting on her hands and staring up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out.

"I don't know how to do this without you, Julian. How am I supposed to do this without you?" Brooke whispered into the empty room. A few tears spilled from her eyes and she quickly brushed them away, standing up and making her way back toward her bedroom. She pulled open the double doors of her closet and reached for the black dress she had purchased just for today, her eyes landing on Julian's side of the closet, still full of all of his belongings. Unable to stop herself, Brooke took his robe from the hook on the inside of the door and clutched it to her, burying her face in the sleeve, Julian's scent washing over her. A choked sob escaped as she sank to the floor, still clutching Julian's robe to her chest.

"Mom! Grandpa Paul and Grandma Sylvia are here." Davis' voice snapped Brooke out of her daze and she quickly climbed to her feet, carefully hanging Julian's robe back on its hook and pulling her dress out of the closet, shutting the doors. She laid her dress on the bed and sat down at her vanity, quickly trying to cover the evidence of her little break down.

"Brooke? Can I come in?" Paul's voice followed the soft knock on her bedroom door and Brooke cringed a little, quickly dabbing powder under her eyes.

"Sure." Her voice cracked a little and Brooke cringed again, trying to compose herself as the door opened and she turned to find herself face to face with Julian's father. "Hi Paul."

Paul Norris looked at his daughter-in-law for a moment, his heart breaking again at the tear tracks he could still see on her cheeks.

"Hi Brooke." He opened his arms to her and Brooke hesitated for only a second before crossing the room and allowing Julian's father to envelop her in a warm embrace, the tears spilling down her cheeks again. "Oh, shh, it's OK honey. I know. I know."

"I'm sorry, Paul." Brooke pulled away, carefully wiping the tears away to not ruin her makeup even more. "You shouldn't be comforting me. You just lost your son."

"Hey, no, Brooke." Paul shook his head, forcing the her to look at him. "We both lost someone we loved. Julian would have wanted us to lean on each other. Besides, you know that I love you like you were my own daughter."

"I love you too." Brooke hugged him again. "I'm really glad you and Sylvia are here. The boys just don't understand and I don't know what to tell them."

"I'm not going anywhere. Sylvia and I will be here for as long as you and the boys need us." Paul kissed Brooke's temple gently. "You get dressed and we'll see you downstairs OK."

"OK." Brooke nodded, giving him a watery smile as Paul hugged her again. "Thank you Paul." The older man nodded, touching her cheek gently before exiting the room, closing the door behind him. Brooke took a deep breath before sitting back at her vanity and fixing her makeup for what felt like the hundredth time that morning. When she was satisfied, she stood, dropping her robe to the floor and picking the dress up off the bed, stepping into it and zipping the back, struggling a little to get it up. Brooke's eyes drifted closed and she could almost feel Julian's soft fingers brushing across her back, the way they always did when he zipped her up. She took a shaky breath and stepped into her black pumps, grabbing her sweater and clutch from the chair in the corner. Brooke looked in the mirror one last time before heading down stairs.

"Hello Brooke." Sylvia Baker enveloped Brooke in a hug and once again Brooke had to fight the urge to cry. "Your parents just got here. They're in the kitchen with the boys."

"OK." Brooke nodded with a smile small as she headed toward the kitchen. "Hi Mom, Hi Daddy." Her parents looked up when she walked in.

"Hi baby." Ted Davis kissed his daughter's cheek gently.

"Hello Brooke." Victoria hugged her tightly. "How are you doing?" She asked quietly. Brooke didn't answer, she simply shrugged and Victoria nodded understandingly. "OK, well, we should probably get going. Unless you're expecting someone else?"

"Haley and Nathan should be here any minute." Brooke said and almost like clockwork they heard the front door opening, announcing the Scott family's arrival.

"Hey Tigger." Haley appeared in the kitchen door, enveloping Brooke tight hug. "You ready?" She asked as the two friends separated.

"No." Brooke said honestly, shaking her head. "But then again, I don't think I'll ever be ready."

"We're going to get through this, Tigger." Haley squeezed her hand tightly. "I promise."

"Thanks Tutor-Mom." Brooke squeezed back and suddenly Nathan was next to her, sliding is around her shoulders to give her a half-hug.

"Jamie is getting the younger ones in the car. You ready to go?" Nathan looked down at his wife and friend expectantly and Brooke swallowed hard, nodding as she took another deep breath.

"Yeah." Brooke hung back for a second as the husband and wife turned to head toward the front door. "Haley, Nathan." Brooke's voice caused the two to stop and turn to look at her. "I just wanted to say thank you for everything. I know I haven't said it much in the last week, but what the two of you did, taking care of me and the boys; calling Peyton and Lucas. I just… Thank you."

"There's no need to thank us, Brooke." Haley glanced up at Nathan before stepping forward to hug her friend again. "We love you and we didn't do anything that you haven't done for us ten times over."

"She's right, Brooke." Nathan nodded. "You and Jude and Davis, you're family. That's what family does for each other." Nathan wrapped an around Brooke's shoulder again as Haley reached for her hand and the three of them exited the house together."

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"Thank you for coming." Brooke stood at the back of the church, with Davis and Jude flanking her sides, clinging to the hem of her dress, absent-mindedly shaking the hand of a man that she knew Julian had worked with on the show, but couldn't place his name for the life of her. Ultimately it didn't matter because most likely she would never see that man again in her life was all she could think as she watched him walk away.

"Hey Brooke." She turned back around to find Clay, Quinn and Logan behind her.

"Hey you guys. Thank you so much for coming. It means a lot to me and it would have meant a lot to Julian." Brooke blinked back tears as she hugged Clay and Logan before Quinn threw her arms around her, squeezing her tightly. Over the years, she and the older James sister had become close friends, closer than Brooke had ever anticipated when they had first met. But looking back, she guessed it was probably inevitable as Brooke had thought pretty much the same thing when she first met Haley.

"If you need anything, you let me know." Quinn whispered before pulling away and kneeling down to look at twins. "You both look very handsome today. I heard that Uncle Skills and Aunt Bevin are going to take Logan and Lydia and Sawyer out of ice cream and we were all thinking that you two might want to go."

Jude and Davis looked at Quinn for a minute before looking up at Brooke with matching worried expressions, like they wanted to go but were afraid of leaving her alone and Brooke felt her heart break into even tinier pieces.

"I think that's a great idea. If you guys want to, you can."

"Are you sure, Mama." Davis asked slowly and Brooke forced a smile as she knelt down to look at them.

"Yes, absolutely." Brooke nodded with an air of finality before standing up. She looked across the parking lot to where Skills was waiting by his car and held up her hand to wave a thanks. Skills just nodded and winked.

"Come on. I'll walk you guys over." Quinn took Jude and Davis' hands. "Logan, are you coming?"

"I'll be right there, mom." Logan said and Quinn nodded, kissing Brooke's cheek quickly before starting across the parking lot.

"Logan, what's going on buddy?" Clay asked once Quinn and the twins were gone. Logan was quiet for a second before turning to Brooke.

"I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry, Aunt Brooke, and I'm going to look out for Jude and Davis. I promise." Logan stared at his feet, the 10-year-old shuffling his feet uncomfortably.

"Thank you Logan." Brooke knelt down again. "I feel a lot better knowing that Jude and Davis have you watching their backs." Brooke hugged the boy tightly.

"I love you Aunt Brooke." Logan murmured before dashing away to where the others were waiting. Clay helped Brooke to her feet as the two of them watched him reach Quinn and Skills.

"You and Quinn have raised a pretty great kid." Brooke looked up at him.

"Thanks. I don't want to take anything away from Quinn, because she's an amazing mom, but that right there, what he just did, that was all Sara. That's who she was. He gets that from her." Clay's voice hitched a little. "Listen, B, you know that I know what you're going through, so if you ever need to talk, you just say the word and I'm there."

"Thank you, Clay." Brooke stepped closer, wrapping her arm around his waist as Clay's arm went loosely around her shoulders, his lips pressing a kiss to her temple, before the two of them separated and he went to meet Quinn, who was waiting by their car.

"Hey, you need a lift?" Brooke turned to find Luke standing behind her.

"No. Thank you though." Brooke shook her head with a small smile. "I can just go with Haley and Nathan or my parents or Paul and Sylvia."

"Are you sure? My car is empty? Sawyer is gone for ice cream with Skills and Peyton's catching a ride with Mouth and Millie."

"Um, yeah, OK. If you don't mind." Brooke nodded. "Can we just keep the chitchat to a minimum? I love Haley, but if someone asks me how I'm doing one more time."

"She worries, Brooke. You know that." Lucas said seriously and Brooke nodded.

"I know. And I know that I'm being ungrateful." Brooke shook her head. "I just…"

"Hey. You guys ready?" Haley and Nathan appeared in front of them. "We were thinking that maybe we could all go back to our place?"

"You guys don't have to do that. We can use my place…" Brooke tried to disagree but Haley shook her head.

"No. We want to do this for you, OK. You need to decompress and having a boatload of people in your house is not going to accomplish that. You let me worry about playing hostess. Got it, Tigger."

"Ok." Brooke held her hands up in defeat. "You win. Tutor-Mom."

"You coming with us?" Nathan asked and Brooke shook her head.

"I think I'm going to go with Luke." She glanced at the tall man next to her. "He's all by his lonesome so."

"Oh. OK." Haley glanced at Nathan for a second before the two of departed and Brooke and Lucas made their way toward his rental car.

"It was a nice service." Lucas said once they were settled in the car and heading toward the Scott home.

"Luke, please, not you too." Brooke scoffed a little, shaking her head. "I just buried my husband. There was nothing nice about that service." Brooke broke off for a second, sighing. "Shit. I'm sorry. God, I know I sound like a completely ungrateful bitch.

"Hey!" Lucas glanced over at her. "That's my friend you're talking about. I don't take kindly to hearing people bad mouth someone I care about." He gave her a look and Brooke couldn't help but give him a small smile in return. "And you're not ungrateful bitch. You're grieving Brooke."

"It's so exhausting." Brooke leaned back in the seat, resting her head against the headrest and closing her eyes. "Just getting out of bed in the morning is exhausting. There are times when I feel like I can't breathe."

"I'm sorry Brooke." Luke reached for her hand again. "I wish there was something I could do. I wish there was something any of us could do."

"Me too Luke." Brooke have him a sad smile before turning away and staring out the window. "Me too."

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"Hey, we were about to send out a search party for the two of you." Haley greeted them at the door when they arrived at the Scott house.

"Sorry. I ended up taking the long way. Haven't been here in a while." Lucas said with a shrug, his locking with Peyton's for a second, who was standing across the room talking to Mouth and Millie.

"Are you hungry, Brooke? I can get you a plate." Haley linked her arm through Brooke's as they walked into the living room where everyone was gathered.

"No, I'm not really hungry Hales. But thanks." Brooke shook her head with a smile.

"Hey, when was the last time you ate, B?" Clay asked from his seat on the couch next to Quinn and Brooke faltered for a second.

"You seem to keep forgetting how well we know you, Brooke Davis-Baker." Nathan appeared from the kitchen, wiping his hands on a towel. "Can you please just eat something, anything. Just to appease us? You know how Haley worries."

"Sure, Haley." Brooke shook her head. "OK fine." She squeezed Haley's arm, that was still linked with hers before glancing at Nathan and then over at Quinn and Clay. "You guys are the best, you know that, right? Saying thank you, it doesn't feel like enough."

"We've always got your back, B." Clay stood up with Quinn close behind, crossing the room to pull Brooke into a hug. "No matter what." Quinn and Haley flanked Brooke's sides, leading her into the kitchen with Nathan, Clay, Mouth and Millie close behind.

"Why do I suddenly feel like we don't belong here anymore?" Peyton appeared next to Lucas and the two of them watched the group mulling around the kitchen.

"That's why we have to fix it Peyton." Lucas turned to look at this ex-wife. "As soon as possible."

"Yeah, you're right." Peyton nodded, patting his shoulder lightly. "We do."

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"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" Haley asked later that night after she helped Brooke put the boys to bed but Brooke shook her head.

"No, I'm exhausted. I just need to sleep, I think." Brooke said, quietly closing the door to the twins room and following Haley downstairs.

"Are you sure?" Haley asked, picking up her purse . "Because I don't mind. And Nathan said…"

"Hales, I need some time by myself." Brooke cringed a little and Haley's face suddenly morphed as the realization hit her.

"Oh my god! Of course, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking." Haley hugged her tightly. "Yes, of course." The two women separated and Haley looked at Brooke seriously for a moment. "I am a 10 minute drive away if you need me, OK? I don't care what time it is."

"I know." Brooke nodded, hugging her best friend again. "Thank you Hales." Haley squeezed her hand one more time before pulling the front door open. Brooke waved goodbye as she watched Haley climb into her car. She closed the door, turning the dead bolt and resting her forehead against the hard wood. Slowly turning, she surveyed the empty house. It seemed so much bigger and emptier now than it had ever been, even when she was a kid and her parents were never home. Shaking her head, Brooke slowly climbed the stairs and made her way into her bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

Sitting down slowly on stool in front of her vanity, Brooke lifted shaking hands to pull out the various pins out were holding her hair in place before standing again to strip off her dress, leaving it in a pile on the floor as she opened the closet doors for the second time that day. Ignoring her side of the closet completely, Brooke immediately took Julian's robe off the hook again, sliding it on to her body and pulling it closed tightly around her, eyes drifting closed and she tried to imagine that it was his arms around her instead of her own. She felt tears fill her eyes as she turned away from the closet, climbing into bed, being as careful as possible to not mess up Julian's side of the bed. Rolling on her side, Brooke reached over, just as she had done every night since she had gotten that awful phone call, and picked up the heavy silver frame on her nightstand. She tightened Julian's robe around her and pulled the covers up as she sank back onto the pillows and let the exhaustion finally win, sleep overtaking her as she clung to her wedding photo.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N - Hey everyone, so here is Chapter 3. Thanks to those who took the time to review. I hope you like this chapter. I think I got all of the typos, but let me know if there are any really bad ones so I can fix them :) **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

"Hey you guys." Haley looked up as Brooke, Davis and Jude entered the café a few weeks after Julian's funeral. Worry creased her forehead when she saw the bags under Brooke's eyes.

"Hi Aunt Haley." Davis smiled as Brooke helped him and his brother up on stools at the counter.

"What are you guys doing here?" Haley leaned on the counter so she was face to face with the twins. "I know what it is, you obviously missed your favorite Aunt so much that just begged your Mama to come visit me, right?" Haley grinned as the boys laughed. "You know, I think I have two pieces of my famous Karen's Café coconut cream pie. I saved them just for you guys because I know how much you love it." Haley glanced up at Brooke. "Is that OK?"

"Sure." Brooke nodded with a smile and Haley winked at the two boys before heading to the back, returning a few moments later with two plates in her hand.

"Here you go." Haley smiled as she set the plates down in front of her two godsons.

"What do you say?" Brooke looked at her sons expectantly.

"Thank you Aunt Haley." Davis and Jude said in unison as they dug into the pie.

"Lisa?" Haley turned to the waitress working that afternoon. "Can you keep an eye on the twins? Brooke and I are just going to step out back for a minute."

"Sure." The younger woman smiled with a nod. Haley thanked her and took Brooke by the arm, leading her toward the back of the café and up the back stairs to the roof of the building.

"How are you doing, Brooke Davis?" Haley wrapped her arm around her best friend as they sat. "How are the boys?"

"We're OK." Brooke nodded, tears filling her eyes as she swallowed hard. "It's getting better, I think." Haley didn't say anything as she looked at her friend and Brooke was quiet for a long time as she stared at her hands. "The mornings are the hardest." Brooke took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "There are these couple of seconds, right when I wake up, that I forget he's gone and then I remember and it's like I lose him all over again."

"Oh honey." Haley wrapped her arms around the brunette, pulling her into a hug.

"Hey you guys." The two look up to find Lucas standing by the door to the roof. "I'm sorry to interrupt."

"Oh no, that's OK, Luke." Brooke quickly wiped her eyes. "Did you see the boys when you came in? Are they OK?"

"Yeah." Lucas nodded. "Jamie's keeping them entertained. He just got here with Chuck and Madison."

"He's such a sweet boy." Brooke smiled. "You and Nate did a good job with that one, Tutor Mom."

"Well, I think you helped out more than just a bit, Tigger." Haley nudged her. "It takes a village, remember. Besides, you are probably Jamie's favorite person in this whole world, except for maybe Madison these days." Haley shook her head and Brooke laughed a little.

"Being 16 and in love, that's a pretty powerful thing." Brooke glanced up at Lucas as she spoke. "So, come to say goodbye Luke? I'm sure you and Peyton and Sawyer need to get back to your lives."

"Well, actually, that is what I came to talk to you guys about." Luke crossed the roof to sit on the other side of Brooke. "Peyton was supposed to meet me here. I'm not sure where she is. But the two of us have been talking and we've decided to move back to Tree Hill."

"What?!" Haley gasped, glancing at Brooke, who looks just as shocked. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah." Lucas nodded. "We've missed out on so much. We want Sawyer to know her family and we both want to be closer to you guys. I can write anywhere and Peyton is comfortable leaving the California office of Red Bedroom Records in Mia's hands. If we're going to do this, now is the time. Sawyer is off on summer vacation so we can register her for school here for September."

"Oh my God, Luke. That's amazing! Jamie and Lydia are going to be thrilled. **Everyone **is going to be thrilled." Haley quickly jumped to her feet, hugging him tightly.

"You guys aren't doing this because of me, are you?" Brooke asked suddenly. "Because of Julian? Because I love you both for the gesture, but I don't want you uprooting your lives, uprooting Sawyer's life, because…"

"Brooke, I admit that getting the news about Julian gave us a kick in the butt but this is something that we both have wanted for a while." Luke sat down next to Brooke again, forcing her to look at him. "We have missed out on so much. I don't want to just be a picture on the wall to your sons. I want to know them. I want Sawyer to know her godmother." He glanced up at Haley. "I want to get to know Jamie again and Lydia and all of you for that matter. In the words of a very wise woman, there's only one Tree Hill and it's our home."

"Hey, sorry I'm late." Peyton came through the door and stopped when she saw the scene in front of her and the expression on Lucas, Brooke and Haley's faces. "You told them without me?"

"I couldn't wait. Sorry." Lucas shrugged with a smile as Brooke immediately jumped to her feet and rushed across the roof to throw her arms around her friend.

"I can't believe that you're moving home." Brooke hugged her tighter, tears falling down her cheeks and she wasn't sure if they were tears of happiness that Lucas and Peyton would be back in Tree Hill permanently or tears of sadness that it was once again one more thing that Julian would miss. Most likely a bit of both, she guesses.

"This is such great news." Haley grinned at the taller blonde once Peyton and Brooke had separated. "And we all needed a little good news right about now." Haley grinned as she hugged Peyton.

"Thank you, Luke." Brooke approached Lucas again. "Haley's right, we did some good news." Luke simply smiled and enveloped the short brunette in a warm embrace. "We missed you guys around here."

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"So what is this that I hear about the other Scott family moving back to Tree Hill?" Lucas looked up to find Nathan walking towards the River Court. "And I had to hear about it from Haley. You couldn't even tell your own brother?" Nathan shook his head as he stepped on the asphalt.

"Well, I figured you two were like a package deal. Tell one, you tell the other." Lucas shrugged and Nathan sarcastic snort was his only reply.

"Well, it's not that I'm not glad, but ugh, what brought this on? I thought you were guys were settled in California." Nathan asked, holding his hands up to Lucas indicating he should toss him the basketball he was holding.

"We were… I was…I don't know, I've wanted to move home for a while but Peyton seemed happy in LA. I couldn't be on the other side of the country from Sawyer and it wasn't fair of me to ask Peyton be away from her daughter. But it turns out Peyton was thinking the same thing I was. So it worked out."

"Like I said, I'm glad. Jamie is stoked and Lydia pretty much thinks Sawyer walks on water so you guys can not change your minds because my children will probably have breakdowns."

"I'll keep that in mind." Luke laughed a little. "So what are you doing here?"

"Actually, that's why." Nathan pointed behind Lucas, who turned to see Brooke pull up in her SUV. "I told Brooke I'd spend some time with the twins today. Try and keep them occupied."

"That's good of you Nate." Lucas glanced back at his brother before looking back at Brooke, who was helping Jude and Davis out of the car.

"Well, it's not like Brooke wouldn't do the same if the roles were reversed. Brooke would probably do a lot more if the roles were reversed. Hell she'd probably adopt all of us, me included." Nathan slapped Lucas shoulder before striding toward what was left of the Baker family. "It's the awesome Baker Boys! High-five for your favorite Uncle."

Lucas watched as his younger brother knelt in front of Brooke's boys and held up both hands, smiling as the twins slapped him five, laughter bubbling from both six-year-olds.

"So, I was thinking we would have a guys day today. We'll let your Mama do some girl things and the three of us are going to hang out with Clay and Logan and Jamie. Chuck and Chase are going to come too. What do you say?" Nathan looked at the two boys expectantly and they nodded excitedly. "Awesome. One more high-five." He held his hands up again, grinning when Jude and Davis slapped his hands.

"Is Uncle Lucas coming too?" Davis pointed at Lucas, looking back at Nathan and then up at his mother.

"Good question." Nathan nodded, standing up and turning back to Lucas. "What do you say Luke, want to come hang out with us?"

"That's sounds awesome actually, but there's something that I need to do." Luke said regretfully. "Maybe I could come by after?"

"I don't know." Nathan sat down on the bench, beckoning Jude and Davis over. "What do you think guys? Do you think we should let him come hang out after?" Davis and Jude were quiet for second before nodding. "Oh yeah, why is that?"

"Because he's your brother Uncle Nate. You have to let your brother come. That would be me not letting Jude come or him not letting me come." Davis said and Jude nodded his head in agreement, serious expressions on both of their faces.

"Well you can't argue with that logic." Nathan grinned, glancing up at Brooke and Lucas. "Alright Luke. We'll be at Clay and Quinn's. Brooke can give you the address." Nathan heaved both twins over his shoulders and Brooke felt her heart leap into her throat at the squeals of laughter escaping from her sons. "Say bye to your Mama."

"Bye Mama!" Davis and Jude waved, still upside down over Nathan's shoulders. Nathan turned to face their mother, pausing at the look on Brooke's face but Brooke shook her head quickly. Nathan frowned for a second before setting the boys on their feet and stepping forward to press a kiss on Brooke's forehead.

"Try to rest this afternoon, OK?" He whispered as looked down at her seriously and Brooke nodded, giving him a small smile as she leaned around to wave goodbye to Jude and Davis.

Brooke and Lucas were quiet as they watched Nate drive away and Brooke took a deep breath, slowly letting it out as she sat down on the picnic table.

"You know that Nathan is right." Lucas said as he sat down next to her and Brooke looked at him questioningly. "Don't play dumb Brooke Davis. You know what I'm talking about. When was the last time you properly slept. You need to get some rest."

"Brooke Davis-Baker." Brooke corrected him for the second time since he had been home.

"Sorry." Lucas smiled a little. "I guess you'll always be Brooke Davis to me."

"I haven't been the Brooke Davis that you knew in a long time, Luke." Brooke sighed, leaning back and resting her elbows on the table.

"I don't believe that. Maybe you've grown up. Maybe you've gotten a little wiser in your old age, but you're still the same girl I knew back then. Brilliant, beautiful, brave." Lucas leaned closer, nudging her gently with his arm.

"I didn't really change the world though, did I?" Brooke said, her voice sad and her eyes vacant as though she was lost in thought.

"What are you talking about?" Lucas said seriously, taking Brooke's arm and making her look at him. "I'm not even going to get into the rest of us and how much you've much changed our worlds. Forget the rest of us, Brooke you changed Julian's world. He got to call you his wife. You gave him a family. You gave him two beautiful boys to love. Don't you dare sit there and tell me that you didn't change the world. You changed all of our worlds, but especially Julian's, just by being Brooke Davis."

Brooke was quiet for a long time, staring down at her hands before she looked up at Lucas with tears shimmering in her eyes.

"I think that's number three" She said finally, half laughing half crying all at the same time and Lucas looked at her, slightly confused. "Your embarrassing speeches. I think that one was number three." Luke looked at her for a second before letting out a low laugh and wrapping an arm around her shoulder and kissing her temple.

"And all of them have been with you." He whispered into her hair. "See, I told you were still the same girl." Lucas rested his chin on the top of Brooke's head for a second before pulling away and gently brushing the tears from her eyes. "Better?"

"Yeah." Brooke smiled up at him with a short nod. "Thank you, Luke. Thank you everything."

"Anything for you." Lucas pressed another kiss on her temple before finally releasing her.

"What did you have to do this afternoon?" Brooke asked as she wiped her eyes again and tried to fix herself up. "You told Nate and the boys that you had something to do this afternoon, so if I'm keeping you."

"No." Lucas shook his head. "No, you're not keeping me. I, ugh…" Lucas trailed off, looking out over the water. "I was going to go to the graveyard actually." Luke said finally and Brooke flinched for a second. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything, I know that it's still raw for you."

"It's OK." Brooke swallowed hard, blinking back the tears. The truth was, she hadn't been to the graveyard since Julian's funeral. She tried, but she just couldn't bring herself to go. "You want to visit Keith. I completely understand that."

"Yeah, I am going to visit Keith but I was thinking about visiting Dan too." Luke's voice was barely a whisper and Brooke looked at him, more than slightly surprised. "I know. I had the same reaction and it was my idea. I didn't come back when he passed away and I never regretted that decision, you know." Lucas glanced at Brooke quickly before looking back out at the water. "But now I'm here and Nathan and Haley say that he had changed." Luke broke off for a second. "But I almost feel like I'm betraying Keith by even considering it, you know."

"Oh I don't believe that." Brooke shook her head. "Keith was wonderful man. He had a big heart and I truly believe that he and Dan have made their peace with each other. Maybe now it's your turn to make your peace with him."

The two were quiet for a long time as they watched a boat sail down the river in the distance.

"How did this conversation end up with you giving me advice?" Luke asked, shaking his head. "I guess it's my turn to thank you." Lucas paused for a second, taking a breath. "I'm not sure I can do this though."

"What if we did it together?" Brooke looked up at him and Luke looked down. "I've been trying to visit Julian, but I can't. I get as far as the gate to the cemetery and then I turn around and leave . But maybe if I know you're there too, I'll actually be able to go in this time."

"OK." Lucas nodded with a smile. "Let's give it a shot."

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"You OK?" Lucas looked over at Brooke as she put the car in park and took the keys from the ignition, staring straight out the windshield at the cemetery in front of them. "Brooke?"

"What?" Brooke jumped, looking over at him. "Sorry. This is normally the part where I freak out and drive away." Brooke licked her lips nervously. "Julian is gone and he's not coming back, I know that. But if I just pretend like he's off shooting a movie or something, it makes getting through the days a little easier." She swallowed the lump in her throat as she took a deep breath. "That's why I haven't been able to go in there. Because if I go in there, if I actually see his name carved into that stone, I'm not going to be able to pretend that he's on location and then I'm not really sure how I'm going to get through the day."

"Oh Brooke…" Lucas began but Brooke held her hand up to stop him.

"I know, Luke. Believe me I know." Brooke shook her head. "It's completely unhealthy but if I didn't do that, I don't know that I'd be able to get out of bed in the mornings. Karen said that the weight would ease. That the pain would ease. It feels like it's just getting worse and so I do what I need to do to get through the day."

"You know you can't keep doing that right?" Lucas asked her seriously and Brooke just looks over at him silently. "Brooke, you can't just ignore the pain. Pretending that it doesn't exist doesn't make it go away."

"You're right. I know that." Brooke nodded. "That's why I'm here. I'm going to do this. I just needed someone to kick me in the butt. Julian used to be the one to kick me in the butt." Brooke let out a shaky breath before looking back at Lucas. "You ready Broody?"

"Whenever you are." Lucas smiled and Brooke took another breath before climbing out of the car, with Lucas close behind. Luke waited for Brooke to come around the car and she stopped in front of him, glancing down at her shaking hands. "You can do this. We both can." Luke reached for hand, squeezing it gently as they made their way into the cemetery.

"Um, Dan is buried straight up that way." Brooke pointed to the left. "He's not that far from Keith actually. I'm this way." She nodded to the right. "So, we'll meet at the car." She squeezed his hand again and went to leave when she felt Lucas tug on her hand, forcing her to look back.

"It's going to be OK. You'll feel better, I promise." Luke pulled her into a hug and Brooke rested her head on his chest for a second before pulling away with a small smile and heading toward Julian's grave. Luke watched her for a moment before turning and heading in the opposite direction.

"Hey" Lucas' voice was quiet as he stood in front of Keith's grave. "I'm sorry that I haven't been to see you in such a long time. Peyton and I, we left for a while, we just needed a change of scenery but we're coming home soon. Brooke's husband passed away and it kind of made the both of us realize that life is too short and you need to be with people you love. So we decided together that we should bring Sawyer home." Lucas paused for a second. "Mom and Lily are doing good. Lily's a woman. It's crazy to think about. She's reminds me a lot of mom, but there's a lot of you in her too. I can see it. I wish that you were here to see the amazing woman that your daughter has become. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you'll be seeing more of me soon. I'll be around more." Lucas gently rested his hand on top of the cool stone. "I love you."

Lucas stared at Keith's headstone for a few more moments before slowly making his way a little further down the line to the simple headstone that marked Dan's grave. It was nothing like the monstrosity that Dan had erected all those years ago when he thought he was going to die.

"I don't really know what I'm doing here." Lucas stared at the stone. " I hated you for a long time and there's a part of me that still does because you took away the only father I ever had. Brooke says that she believes that Keith forgave you. Wherever the two of you are now, she thinks you're together. Who knows, she might be right. Haley says that you changed; that you weren't the same person when you died; that you didn't think twice about jumping in front of that bullet for Nathan. Maybe you did change. I hope you did, for the sake of your soul. I guess what I came here to say was thank you and I'm sorry. Thank you for looking out for Haley when I couldn't and thank you for saving Nathan and I'm sorry that I didn't say goodbye. Jude and Davis Baker never got the chance to say goodbye to their father, I did and I didn't take it and I'm sorry for that."

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Brooke's hands were shaking as she approached Julian's grave. She almost turned away but she could see Lucas on the other side of the graveyard, standing at what she knew to be Dan Scott's grave.

"You can do this Brooke. You can do this." She whispered to herself, taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out as she stopped in front of the headstone, tears filling her eyes as she looked at it.

_Julian Norris Baker, beloved husband and father. _

"Hey baby." Brooke quickly brushed the tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry that it took me so long to come see you. I wanted to. I tried to, but I just couldn't." Brooke swallowed hard. "The boys miss you. Nathan, Clay and Chase, they've been great about spending time with them, but they miss their dad. I miss you. I miss you so much. Every morning I wake up and I roll over expecting you be next to me and you're not there. And then hits all over again that you're gone." Brooke sniffled. "I'm trying to be strong for Jude and Davis, but sometimes it feels like they're the ones that are being strong for me and that's not fair. It's not fair for me to put that on two six-year-olds. But I'm going to be better. I promise I'm going to be better. I'm going to be the mom that they deserve. And I'm going to make sure that they know how much their daddy loved them. I promise baby, I promise that they are going to know you. They're going know what an amazing man their dad was. How he risked his life to save their cousin Jamie and their Uncle Nathan and me." She paused for a second to take a breath, a stray tear falling down her cheek and she quickly swiped at her face. "You and Davis and Jude, you are the best things that ever happened to me. I'm going to take care of our boys. I promise." She kissed two fingers, gently pressing them on the stone. "I'll be back soon. I love you. I hope you know how much I love you."

Brooke took one last look at the stone before turning away, wiping her eyes carefully as she made her way back to the car, where Lucas was leaning against the passenger side waiting for her. He took one look at her face and immediately opened his arms to her. Brooke looked at him for a second before dropping her head, tears falling down hers cheeks and she stepped forward, allowing him to wrap her in a tight embrace as she sobbed into his chest.

"You did good Brooke Davis-Baker." Lucas whispered into her hair. "You did good."


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everyone! I just wanted to say a quick thanks to everyone who took the time to read and review. It's very much appreciated. This chapter felt a little slow to me, but I like it was something that Brooke needed to go through and hopefully you guys agree. Anyway, thanks again for reading and hopefully you like this chapter. I've started Chapter 5 so hopefully that will be up soon. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, this is all just in good fun.**

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"Hey P. Sawyer! You guys are home!" Brooke pulled the front door open to find her friend standing on her step. "When did you guys get back into town?" Brooke held the door open as Peyton stepped inside.

"Last night." Peyton set her bag down on the floor, enveloping Brooke in a hug. "We stayed a little longer in California, let Sawyer spend a little more time with her friends."

"Sure, of course." Brooke nodded, leading Peyton into the kitchen. "You just missed the boys. Nathan came and took them to the River Court."

"Oh that's bad. Well, the two of us will have to take them out soon, so I can spend some time with those handsome little men." Peyton smiled, sitting down at the island and watching Brooke move around the kitchen. "So, how are you doing, Brooke?"

"I'm good." Brooke nodded, flicking the start button on the coffee machine and turning back to the blonde. "I'm better. I have my bad but the boys and I are doing OK."

"Good." Peyton leaned over to pat Brooke's hand. "I'm glad. Mind if I use the washroom real quick?"

"Oh sure." Brooke smiled. "The bathroom down here, there's something wrong with the toilet, I really need to get a plumber in. Use the one upstairs."

"OK. Peyton excused herself and Brooke went back to making coffee. After several minutes, she glanced at the clock wondering where Peyton was. Smiling, she made her way toward the staircase.

"P. Sawyer, what are you doing? Did you fall in?" Brooke reached the top of the stairs and froze when she saw her bedroom door open. She walked slowly towards the open door and stepped into her bedroom to find Peyton standing in front of her closet. "What are you doing in here?" Peyton jumped a little, turning to look at her.

"I was looking for the bathroom and I accidentally opened this door. Brooke, what is this?" Peyton looked back at the closet, specifically the half that was still full of Julian's belongings.

"It's nothing!" Brooke strode across the room, shutting the double doors with more force than she had intended.

"Brooke, you said you were doing better." Peyton looked at her friend, worry etched across her face.

"I am! I just haven't had a chance to go through everything yet!" Brooke snapped, crossing her arms defensively.

"Brooke, it's been a month." Peyton sighed. "What about the bed?" She looked over her shoulder toward Brooke's bed, the right side clearly slept in but the left side pristine. "Julian never could sleep on the right side of the bed."

"Peyton, just leave it alone!" Brooke glared at her friend.

"Brooke, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to upset you. I'm just worried about you." Peyton reached for Brooke's hand but the brunette pulled away.

"You're worried about me _now!_" Brooke snapped. "Did you even know that Julian and I split up _for months _before we got engaged? Where was your worry then?" Brooke raised her eyebrow. "Where was your worry when Jamie and I almost drowned? Where was your worry when I fell and went into early labor on the boys or when the psycho that killed Quinton came back and tried to finish the job on me? You never _worried_ about me when any of that happened, because you weren't here!"

"Brooke…" Peyton began but Brooke just shook her head.

"I am dealing with this as best I can, OK." Brooke swallowed hard. "Maybe I'm not ready to just throw all of Julian's things away yet, but how I choose to grieve is none of your business!"

"Brooke, I'm sorry. I didn't…" Peyton tried again but Brooke stopped her.

"I really think that you should just leave, OK. Just go, Peyton." Brooke stared at her friend and Peyton looked conflicted before turning and leaving the room. Brooke closed her eyes and waited until she heard the front door open and close before she sank into the chair in the corner, dropping her head into her hands.

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"Brooke Penelope Davis! Open this door right now!" Brooke sighed when she heard Haley's voice followed by a loud knock on her front door later that day. Sighing again, Brooke shuffled her way down the hall and pulled the door open, coming face to face with a distressed Haley.

"Peyton Sawyer strikes again." Brooke shook her head, turning and leaving Haley standing at the door.

"She's concerned, Brooke." Haley came in, closing the door behind her. "And after what she told me, so am I." Brooke dropped her head at the tone of Haley's voice, reluctantly turning to look at her.

"Is it so wrong that I just want to keep what little I have left of him?" Brooke asked, her voice cracking a little and Haley quickly crossed the gap between them.

"I get it, Brooke, I do." Haley whispered, wrapping her arms around her best friend. "But keeping that room like that, like some sort of shrine, that's not healthy. You know that." Haley pulled away. "I'm not saying throw everything away. Keep the things that are important; the things that you want to pass on to Davis and Jude."

"I just… I can't…." Brooke stuttered, tears spilling down her face. "Do you think I haven't tried, Haley? Believe me, I've tried."

"I know." Haley brushed the tears from her face. "But you haven't tried with me." Haley squeezed her hand quickly before heading back down the hall and opening the front door, stepping out and reaching down to pick something up. When she turned back around, Brooke could see a stack of flattened boxes in her hand.

"Hales…" Brooke shook her head.

"You need to do this, Brooke." Haley said simply and the two women looked at each other for a long moment before Brooke finally nodded.

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"Knock, knock." Brooke said quietly as she stuck her head into the main office of Red Bedroom Records. Peyton looked up from the papers in front of her, her eyes widening a little when she saw who it was. "Can I come in?" Brooke asked hesitantly and Peyton nodded silently, dropping the papers on the desk and turning to look at her friend.

"Brooke, listen, I know that you're probably pissed at me for calling Haley but…" Peyton started but Brooke held up her hand.

"Let me go first, P. Sawyer." Brooke crossed the room and the two sat down. "I know you were just concerned and I shouldn't have said those things to you. I'm sorry. I didn't mean them, I just…"

"Brooke, it's OK." Peyton reached out to take her hand and Brooke gave her a small smile.

"No it's not OK. Just because I'm hurting that doesn't give me the right to lash out at people who are just trying to look out for me." Brooke paused for a second. "I cleared out his things." She said finally. "Haley made me." Brooke glanced over at Peyton, who laughed a little. " I kept the things that I thought Jude and Davis might want, but his clothes and all of that stuff, it's gone." Brooke blinked back tears. "You and Haley were right. It needed to be done. His toothbrush was still in the bathroom for god's sake. You were right, that's not healthy."

"Are you OK?" Peyton asked, wrapping her arm around Brooke's shoulder.

"I don't know." Brooke shook her head miserably. "Our bedroom just feels empty now. I mean, the whole house felt empty after, you know. But I still had that sanctuary. Our room was my sanctuary; where I could go and still feel him…" Brooke trailed off for a second. "But he's gone and I need to actually start living my life again. Locking myself in a room that, as Haley put it, is a shrine to him is not living my life and he wouldn't want that for me."

"No, he wouldn't." Peyton rested her head against the brunette's.

"I am sorry, P. Sawyer." Brooke murmured, turning her head slightly to look at Peyton. "Are we OK?"

"We are always OK." Peyton smiled. "You're my Brooke."

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"Mama!" Brooke was straightening up the kitchen when she head the front door open and wiped her hands a towel before making her way toward the front door.

"Hey, did you guys have a fun day with Uncle Nath…" Brooke turned the corner and stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Lucas helping Jude and Davis take their shoes off. "Oh, Lucas, Hi. Welcome home."

"Hey Brooke. Thanks." Lucas smiled. "I went to the River Court and Nathan was there Jude and Davis. Haley called and asked him to stop by the store so I offered to drop the boys home."

"Oh, well, that was nice of you. Did you guys thank Uncle Lucas for bringing you home?" Brooke turned to look down at the boys.

"They did." Lucas confirmed before the boys could speak. "Twice actually." He winked at the twins and the two boys grinned proudly up at their mother.

"OK Good." Brooke knelt to look at her sons. "Can you give your Mama a hug? I missed you guys today."

"We missed you too Mama." Jude immediately threw his arms around her neck and Brooke hugged him tightly before reaching one arm out to pull Davis in as well.

"Are you guys hungry? Do you want some supper?" Brooke asked as she stood again and the boys nodded. "OK, what are we in the mood for?"

"Pancakes!" Davis immediately burst out and Jude instantly agreed.

"You want pancakes for supper?" Brooke asked as the boys nodded vigorously and Brooke couldn't help but shake her head with a smile. "OK, but only if you go upstairs right now and wash your hands."

"Can Uncle Lucas stay for supper too?" Davis asked and Brooke faltered for a second, glancing toward Luke.

"Oh, guys, I'm sure that Uncle Lucas has things to do so…" Brooke began.

"Do you have to go, Uncle Lucas? Can you stay? Please!" Jude broke out the pout and Brooke didn't even have to look at Lucas to know that he wouldn't be going anywhere. There was no saying no to either of the twins when they pouted like that. She had been victim to it herself numerous times.

"Pancakes sound awesome." Lucas said with a smile and the twins cheered again as they scurried upstairs to wash up.

"I'm sorry about that." Brooke said when the boys were out of sight and the two made their way toward the kitchen. "They learned at a very young age that breaking out that pout is the way to get people to do things they may not want to do. Julian used to call it the Brooke Davis pout. I don't know about that but…"

"He was right." Lucas said, taking a seat at the island. "You used to give me that pout to get your way."

"I did not." Brooke scoffed, chucking a little.

"Oh yes, you did." Lucas laughed. "I'm pretty sure we have matching tattoos because of that pout."

"I…" Brooke opened her mouth to respond but quickly closed it again, causing Lucas to laugh again. "Oh be quiet!" Brooke picked up the dish towel and tossed it at him. "Fine. They have the Brooke Davis pout. Whatever."

"Well, you should teach them how to harness that, because that pout is a pretty powerful thing." Lucas smiled again, his eyes narrowing in that squinting way they always did and for a brief moment Brooke felt like she was 16 again.

"Um, so listen, of course you are more than welcome to stay for supper, but you do not have to have pancakes." Brooke turned away, opening the pantry and pulling out a box of pancake mix. "The boys are on this kick where they want breakfast for basically every meal of the day, but I do have other food. I'm sure there's a steak in the freezer. I could put it on the barbeque for you…"

"Absolutely not." Lucas shook his head, standing and crossing the room to stand in front of Brooke. "I was told pancakes were on the menu. It was the only reason I stayed. However…" Lucas paused picking up the box of pancake mix. "Instant pancakes? You are co-owner of a café. You are co-owner _Karen's Café_ and you are about to make instant pancakes? My mom would be so disappointed in you." Lucas shook his head in fake disapproval.

"Hey, I don't do the cooking over there. That's all Haley." Brooke took the box from him. "And there is nothing wrong with Aunt Jemima pancakes. They are delicious."

"But they aren't as delicious as Karen's homemade ones." Lucas took the box again, stepping closer to Brooke and reaching behind her to put the box back in the cupboard. "They're Sawyer's favourite so I've got that recipe down to a science." Lucas closed the door and looked down at Brooke. "We're going to show your boys what real pancakes taste like."

"OK." Brooke shook her head with a smile, holding her hands up in surrender. "But I am not touching any of this because I will not be the one to screw up any recipe of Karen's."

"Fair enough." Lucas laughed as he moved around the kitchen, gathering the various ingredients that he needed. "Can you at least get me a bowl or would that be included in the recipe?" He glanced over his shoulder, eyebrows raised expectantly, a smirk on his face and Brooke stuck her tongue out at him for a second before retrieving the bowl and setting it on the counter in front of him. "Thank you." Lucas smiled down at her and paused for a second as he began scooping flour into the bowl. "So, Haley told Nathan about your afternoon…" Lucas said after a few moments of silence.

"Yeah, I figured she would." Brooke sighed as she sat down on a stool across from where Lucas was working. "Did you talk to Peyton too?"

"Briefly, when I dropped Sawyer off. She didn't say much, just that you guys worked it out." Lucas laid the measuring cup down and reached across the counter to take Brooke's hand. "For what it's worth, I'm proud of you. That's two really big steps that you took in the last couple of weeks. First going to his grave and now packing up his things. I know neither one of those was easy for you."

"I can't keep living in the past, as much as I want to." Brooke stopped for a second as the sounds of Jude and Davis' footsteps overhead interrupted. "I promised Julian that I would take care of them and that's more than just keeping them clothed. As long as I'm clinging to Julian, to our old life, we'll never be able to move forward in this one and that's not fair to them."

"Or to you." Lucas squeezed her hand one last time before reaching for the whisk to begin whipping the batter up.

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"Alright you two. It's time for bed." Brooke stood up from her seat on the couch a few hours later, where she and Lucas were playing a board game with the boys.

"But mama! We're still playing!" Davis whined and the beginnings of the 'Brooke Davis Pout' started to form on his face.

"Not tonight little man." Brooke shook her head.

"We can finish the game another night, guys." Lucas offered.

"Can Uncle Lucas help tuck us in?" Jude asked and Brooke faltered for a second.

"Oh, you guys, Uncle Lucas doesn't…" Brooke began but Luke's hand on her arm stopped her.

"Brooke, I don't mind." Luke said with a smile. "You two are going to go brush your teeth and your mama and I will be right behind you? OK?" Jude and Davis nodded, running from the room and all Brooke can do is shake her head when she hears them run up the stairs, sounding more like a stampede then two six-year olds.

"I'm sorry about all of this." Brooke said as the two of them started up the stairs. "Nathan and Clay have been great about spending time with them, but I think they miss having a man actually around the house."

"I don't mind Brooke." Lucas wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "I like spending time with the boys. You have some cool little boys."

"Yeah, they are." Brooke nodded as they reached the top of the stairs and made their way toward the light at the end of the hall. She stopped in the door to the bathroom just as Davis put his toothbrush back in the holder. "Are you both done?"

Davis and Jude nodded and Brook looked at them with one eyebrow raised in question.

"We promise Mama. See!" Both Davis and Jude grinned wide, showing their teeth and Brooke smiled again.

"Ok, I believe you. Come on. Into bed." Brooke ushered the boys into their room and the twins climbed into their respective beds. "I love you sweet boy." Brooke pulled the covers up over Jude, kissing his forehead before moving across the room to do the same with Davis.

"Sleep tight guys. I had a lot of fun with you guys today. We'll hang out soon." Lucas held his fist out and Jude grinned as he bumped his little fist against Lucas. Brooke watched with tears in her eyes as Lucas did the same thing with Davis before stepping out into the hall. Brooke flicked on the boys night-light and shut the door.

"You OK?" Lucas asked as Brooke leaned against the wall. She nodded slowly, taking a deep breath and pushing herself off the wall.

"Yeah. It just sucks." Brooke shook her head.

"Yeah, it does." Lucas nodded, pulling her into a half hug as he kissed her temple. "I'm going to get out of your hair. Let you get some sleep."

"Are you sure?" Brooke pulled away, looking up at him. "I mean, don't feel like you have to go. I'm not kicking you out or anything. I can make us some coffee or.."

"Next time." Lucas murmured into her hair, kissing the top of her head this time before heading downstairs with Brooke close behind.

"Thanks for tonight Luke." Brooke said as Lucas opened the front door and turned to look at her. "Today was a hard day. You being here this evening, it made it a little easier."

"It was my pleasure." Lucas took a small step forward and enveloped Brooke in tight embrace. "I'll see you soon." Lucas turned to leave but paused for a second to look back to the brunette. "You're a great mom, Brooke. I don't want you to ever doubt that. Jude and Davis are lucky to have you."

Brooke was quiet for a long moment as she looked up into Lucas' blue eyes and she couldn't stop the tears from filling her eyes as she leaned up and brushed her lips against his cheek lightly.

"Thank you." Brooke stepped away to look up at him again. "If I haven't told you before, I'm really glad you're home Lucas Scott."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N - Hey everyone! So sorry for the delay in updating. I was away for a few weeks traveling Europe (which was AMAZING by the way). I got back last week but it's been difficult getting back into the swing of writing again with work and everything. But anyway, here is the next chapter. I hope you guys like it. Let me know if there is any horrible typos. I didn't proof read this very well as I just wanted to get it up. **

**As always, I own nothing. Please review! It inspires me to write more :)****  
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"Jamie!" Davis pulled his hand from Brooke's and took off running toward the river court with his brother close behind him.

"D-Nate! J-Marv! What's going on guys!" Jamie grinned down at his little cousins. "Hi Aunt Brooke." Jamie smiled, stepping around the 6 year olds to hug his godmother.

"Hey Buddy." Brooke hugged the teenager tightly. "Thanks for doing this. You know how much they love spending time with you. It makes them feel grown up and cool to be hanging out with their cousin Jamie."

"I love hanging out with them too. They're cool little guys." Jamie glanced over his shoulder where Jude and Davis were poorly attempting to dribble a basketball. "Wow, it's like watching Julian try to dribble." Jamie immediately froze and looked over at Brooke. "I'm sorry Aunt Brooke. I didn't mean…"

"You have nothing to apologize for." Brooke reached for Jamie's hand. "You should talk about Julian and you should talk about him to Jude and Davis. I want them to know who their father was and part of who he was, was a guy who sucked at sports" Brooke laughed a little before giving Jamie a slightly sad smile. "You and Julian were so close. You know things about him that not even I know and I want you to tell Jude and Davis about those things. I want them to know everything there is to know about their dad." Brooke pulled Jamie into another hug. "I don't want you to ever think that you can't say something to me, Jamie. You can say anything to me, OK?"

"OK." Jamie nodded. "What time did you want me to have the boys home?"

"Actually, your mom invited us over for supper so I'll just get them there. Thank you again for spending the day with them."

"I'm happy to do it." Jamie smiled, hugging Brooke again before she turned to look at her boys.

"Alright, guys, listen to your cousin Jamie, OK? I'll see you at Aunt Haley & Uncle Nathan's later."

"Bye Mama!" Davis and Jude waved and Brooke smiled, watching Jamie lift Davis over his head so he could dunk the basketball through the hoop. She watched for another few moments before heading back to her car.

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"Hey Brooke Davis, what are you doing?" Brooke looked up as Lucas stepped into Baker Man later that morning.

"Hey Luke." Brooke smiled, coming around the desk to greet him. "What are you doing here?"

"Just wanted to see how you were and get a look at Baker Man. This is pretty impressive, Brooke. You really can turn straw into gold."

"Oh, I don't know about that. I guess we're doing OK." Brooke smiled, glancing around the shop.

"Doing OK? Brooke, you're talented. You're amazingly talented. What happened with Clothes Over Bros., that had nothing to with your talent. That had to do with some bad decisions made by other people…"

"I know, I know." Brooke held up her hand, looking a little uncomfortable at Lucas' praise.

"You need to learn to take a compliment. Everything that you have Brooke, you earned. It wasn't handed to you. You have a right to be proud of that." Lucas wrapped his arm around Brooke's shoulder and Brooke paused for a second as she looked up at him.

"Luke, I…" Brooke began but was interrupted by the bell chiming as the front door opening and looked to see Clay stepping into the store. "Clay, hi."

"Hey guys. What's going on?" Clay glanced between Brooke and Lucas before settling his gaze on Brooke. "I just came to see if you had time to grab some lunch, but it looks like I'm interrupting so we can do it another day."

"Oh, you're not interrupting anything." Brooke said, shaking her head and stepping away from Luke. "Millie should be here in like 20 minutes. If you don't mind waiting around, we can go then?"

"OK sure." Clay nodded, glancing at Lucas. "You want to join us Luke?" Lucas paused for a second.

"Oh, no, thanks though." Luke shook his head. "I actually have a meeting at the Tree Hill High with the principal about me coaching again."

"Really?" Brooke grinned. "Lucas that's great. Jamie is going to be ecstatic that you're coaching him."

"Well, it's not set in stone yet." Luke shrugged. "I still have to meet with them, so we'll see."

"Oh, you're definitely going to get it. You're Lucas Scott. You and Nathan are legends at that school." Brooke gushed and Luke just laughed, shaking his head.

"I'll be sure to mention that you said so." Lucas laughed again. "I should go. Are you both going to Haley's tonight?" Brooke and Clay nodded. "I guess, I'll see you guys then. Bye Brooke." Luke leaned down, kissing her temple gently before nodding at Clay and leaving the store.

"So, what exactly was that?" Clay asked when they were alone and Brooke gave him a confused look as she went back behind the counter to continue the paperwork she had been doing before Luke came by.

"What are you talking about?" Brooke looked up at him, confusion on her face.

"What am I talking about? I'm talking about what I just walked in on? What was going on there?" Clay nodded his head toward the front door.

"What, me and Luke?" Brooke looked at him as though he was crazy. "OK, first of all, No. Second of all, NO!"

"OK." Clay held his hand up in surrender. "I just thought that I saw something there and I know you guys have a history."

"We do have a history. That's why that is never going to happen." Brooke shook her head. "Never mind that he is Peyton's ex-husband, Julian is barely gone. I am in no way shape or form ready."

"Well, Julian has been gone for months, B, and it's not like Lucas is some random you met on the street. But if you say I misread the situation, then I misread the situation." Clay hugged the short brunette tightly. "I just want to see you happy Brooke. And you seem happier when Lucas is around."

"Of course I'm happy. He's my friend."

"OK." Clay nodded, held up his hands in surrender. "You won't hear another word about it from me."

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"Hello!" Brooke called as she pushed the front door open to Nathan & Haley's later that evening.

"Gees, Davis, don't you ever knock." Nathan appeared in the hall, a smile on his face and Brooke stuck her tongue out. "Come on, everyone is out back. You're the last to arrive."

"Hi Mama!" Davis and Jude called and waved from the pool where they were splashing around with Sawyer, Lydia and Logan. Brooke waved back at the twins and then at Bevin who was in the pool as well, watching the kids.

"Hey Aunt Brooke." Jamie appeared next her and Brooke immediately smiled as her godson hugged her. She sometimes wondered how the sweet little boy she remembered had grown into the man in front of her today.

"Hi Buddy." Brooke pulled away to look up at the teen. "Did the boys behave today?"

"Oh yeah, they were great. Like I said Aunt Brooke, they're cool little kids." Jamie smiled, glancing across the yard. "I told them stories about Julian, like you said I should."

"I'm glad buddy. That's good." Brooke smiled again as Jamie kissed her cheek quickly before heading toward Madison and Chuck. Brooke made her way toward Peyton and Haley, who were seated on the lounge chairs across the yard.

"Hey Tigger!" Haley smiled, standing to hug her best friend. "I hope you're hungry because I think Nathan and Lucas are barbecuing the entire cow."

"B! You made it!" Brooke felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her waist and lift her off the ground.

"Hi Clay." Brooke laughed as she was set on her feet again and turned to look up at Clay. "Started the party early, have we?" Brooke raised an eyebrow at him, her signature Brooke Davis smirk making an appearance.

"What? I can't be happy to see my friend?" Clay pretended to look hurt as he threw an arm around Brooke's shoulder. "I'm sorry about earlier. Are we OK?" He said quietly.

"We're fine Clay." Brooke elbowed him lightly in the stomach. "You just need to get better deductive skills."

"Yeah, I guess so." Clay dropped a kiss on the top of Brooke's head, glancing across the yard to where Nathan and Lucas were standing at the barbeque. His gaze met Lucas' for a moment before the older Scott looked away.

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"Thanks for your help." Brooke smiled as Luke lay a sleeping Davis next to his brother in the backseat of Brooke's SUV, strapping him in gently so as to not wake him.

"I was happy to do it." Lucas gently closed the door and turned to face Brooke again. "I had a lot of fun with them tonight. It reminds me of when Jamie was that age. Makes me feel less old."

"Oh we're not old Luke. Naley just got a really early head start on the whole parenthood thing. It just took a few years for the rest of us to catch up." Brooke shrugged a little with a smile and Lucas couldn't help but laugh.

"Well, that is a valid point." Lucas enveloped Brooke in a warm hug. "It's good to see you smiling again. I've missed that smile." He murmured into her hair, slowly pulling away. "Your real smile, I mean." He gently brushed the hair from her face and gazed down at her. "Brooke…" Lucas trailed off and hesitated for a second before leaning down to press his lips against her in a soft kiss.

Brooke stayed frozen where she was for a long moment, mesmerized by the feel of Lucas' lips on her after so long, before snapping back to reality and abruptly pulling away. Her hand immediately flying to cover her mouth as she stared at Lucas in shocked silence.

"Brooke…" Lucas began.

"I have to go." Brooke shook her head, turning away but Lucas grabbed her arm, forcing her to stop.

"Brooke, please, wait, can we just talk about this." Lucas pleaded with her and Brooke stared at him for a second. She glanced at the boys sleeping in the car before shaking her head again and pulling her arm from his grasp.

"I can't do this. I have to go." She pushed passed him and climbed into her car, driving away quickly, leaving Lucas standing in Nathan and Haley's driveway staring after her.

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"So, apparently, you were right." Clay opened the door to the beach house the next morning to find Brooke standing on his front step.

"Morning B." Clay smiled as he held the door open, taking the coffee from Brooke's outstretched hand as she stepped inside. "Now, I usually am right, but care specify what I was right about?"

"Lucas or more accurately me and Lucas." Brooke slowly sat down on a stool in the kitchen and looked over at Clay, who raised his eyebrows at her statement.

"So that's what that was about." Clay said cryptically and Brooke just stared at him. "After you left last night, when Lucas came back inside he seemed off to me. The others didn't seem to notice, but he seemed like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders when he came back inside." Brooke groaned as Clay finished speaking and he sat down next to her. "What happened?"

"We kissed… technically he kissed me, but I didn't stop him." Brooke looked up at Clay miserably. "I'm a horrible person. My husband hasn't even been dead for six months and I'm kissing other men? What kind of person does that?"

"Hey, you are not a horrible person." Clay forced her to look at him, his tone serious. "There's no guide book for what you're going through, Brooke. There's no set timeline."

"But Julian…" Brooke began, tears filling her eyes again.

"Knew how much loved him." Clay pulled her into a hug, resting his cheek on the top of her head. "I know that you're feeling like you've betrayed him with Lucas. But you haven't. I felt the exact same way you are right now when I met Quinn. I felt like I was betraying Sarah's memory by even thinking about another woman."

"It's not the same. Sarah was gone for years before you met Quinn. I feel like I just buried Julian. It's too soon." Brooke shook her head again, sighing as she ran her fingers through her hair and tears filled her eyes.

"Well, if that's how you actually feel then that's a whole other situation. You not being ready is different then you feeling guilty about Julian." Clay paused for a second as he looked the woman next to him. "I wasn't ready to let go of Sarah until I met Quinn. It so happened, that it took me years to meet her. But you and Lucas, look I wasn't here so I don't know what happened between the two of you back then, but it's pretty obvious to even the most oblivious person that you guys are close; that you share a bond. From the way Haley tells it you were each other's first love. He cares about you Brooke, he cares about your boys. That much is obvious. Now, if you're not ready then tell him that, I'm willing to put money on it that he'll understand. But if it's just the guilt that's gnawing at you, I want you to remember that Julian would want you to be happy. And if Lucas is that person, I don't think you get to put a time frame on when it's appropriate."

"What about Peyton? He's her ex-husband." Brooke looked up him miserably.

"Exactly. Her _ex-_husband, Brooke." Clay said sympathetically. "Lucas and Peyton are divorced."

"But.." Brooke began but Clay shook his head.

"Wasn't he your ex-boyfriend before he was her ex-husband." Clay asked and Brooke just looked at him. "Exactly. If this is something that you think you might want and you are really worried about Peyton, why don't talk to her? I wouldn't be surprised if she told you to do what makes you happy. Look, if she and Lucas had a strained relationship then yes, I would say be wary, but they seem pretty OK." Clay paused for a second. "Brooke, he makes you smile. He makes you in smile in a way that I have only ever seen you smile at the boys or Julian. I don't think you can just ignore that." He reached for her hand again. "If you're not ready for this, that's OK. All I'm saying is don't write it off completely. He came back here for you at the drop of a dime."

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"Lucas, are you listening?" Peyton literally waved her hand in front of his face to get his attention.

"Sorry, what?" Lucas looked up with a start to find Peyton staring at him strangely.

"I was asking you about the schedule for picking Sawyer up from school. I figured between all of us we should be able to figure out some sort of car pooling system for her, Lydia, Logan and the twins." Peyton paused. "What is going on with you today? You're completely spaced out."

"I…" Lucas began but stopped. "Do you think I could tell you as my friend that might upset you as my ex-wife?"

"OK, that sounds ominous." Peyton looked at him for second. "But I would like to think that I'm your friend first and your ex second." She moved across the room to sit down next to him. "What's going on?"

"I kissed Brooke last night." Lucas said after a long moment and Peyton was quiet for a long time as she stared at the man next to her. "I can't believe I did this. Brooke is already pissed off at me, now you're pissed off at me. Nathan and Haley are probably going to be pissed off at me."

"OK, first of all, I'm not pissed off at you." Peyton interrupted him. "Truthfully, I'm not even all that surprised." Lucas looked over at her sceptically. "Luke, I've known Brooke for 30 years and Haley called you. The truth of the matter is, I love Brooke, she is more than my friend, she is my sister. I would do anything for her. But when Brooke was in a bad place, Haley didn't call me. She called you. She called you because she knew that you would drop everything to be there for her." Peyton nudged him slightly with her shoulder. "I saw a little flash of it the day you told me about Julian. You were so focused on getting to her; making sure she was OK. And I've seen how you are with Davis and Jude. You love them, the same way you love Jamie and Lydia. There's no blood relation there, but they're family. You love them because they're Brooke's kids."

"You're really not mad?" Lucas asked when Peyton finished.

"I'm not mad. I want Brooke to be happy and I want you to be happy. If the two of you can find that happiness together after all of these years and all of the crap that all of us have been through, then I think that's amazing. Plus, as Sawyer's mother, it's nice to know that the woman you want to be with loves my kid." Peyton gave him a sincere smile.

"I don't know that it even matters." Lucas shrugged. "Brooke practically bolted last night. She probably hates me."

"Brooke could never hate you, she doesn't have it in her. But we did cause her a lot of heartache in the past and Julian hasn't been gone that long. She's probably freaking out, more than just a little bit." Peyton patted his hand gently. "I've seen the way she looks at you, Luke. There's something there, you just got to let Brooke process it on her own terms."

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"Peyton, um, hi…" Brooke faltered a little when she found her friend waiting on her front porch later that afternoon when she returned home. "What are you doing here? Have you been waiting long?"

"I just wanted to see how you were." Peyton got to her feet as Brooke approached and the brunette stopped to look at her.

"You talked to Lucas." Brooke said simply and Peyton didn't answer, knowing she didn't need to. "Peyton, I…"

"Why don't we talk inside." Peyton glanced toward the door and Brooke nodded, turning the key in the lock and ushering Peyton inside. "Are you OK?" Peyton asked as she followed Brooke into the kitchen.

"Peyton, you don't have to act like you're OK with this…" Brooke began and Peyton immediately held her hand up to stop her.

"Hey, Brooke, look at me." Peyton sat down at the table across from her friend. "I know you and I know that you're beating yourself up over this because of me and Julian and everything, but you don't need to. I'm not mad and I know Julian isn't either. I know how much you and Lucas care about each other. It's OK to move on Brooke and if it's Lucas that you end up moving on with, that's all the better."

"It just feels like I'm betraying you… and Julian." Brooke sighed heavily. "I miss him, Peyton, I miss him everyday so much. But the thing is, I miss him a little less when Luke is around. The boys laugh a little more when he's around…" Brooke sniffled, reaching for a tissue to wipe her nose. "But sometimes I feel like I shouldn't feel that way. Never mind that he's Sawyer's father. I mean, how screwed up is that?"

"Yeah, he's Sawyer's father. And?" Peyton looked at her friend seriously. "Brooke, whoever Luke ends up with, that woman is going to be a major, permanent fixture in my daughter's life, why wouldn't I want that to be you? Someone I know loves my little girl. Someone I know will look out for her and protect her." Peyton paused again. "As for Julian, I know you miss him. I miss him too, but it doesn't make you bad person to find some comfort in Lucas' company. You're not betraying him by finding some peace." Peyton moved to other side of the table to hug her friend tightly. "Just think about it OK?"

"OK." Brooke nodded, giving her a tentative smile.

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"Hi." Lucas opened the front door to find Brooke standing on his step, biting her lip nervously.

"Hey." He gave her a small smile as he stepped back holding the door open for her and Brooke took a deep breath before stepping in. "I thought you were avoiding me."

"I was." Brooke said simply and Lucas couldn't help but smirk a little. "I just needed to think."

"I am sorry about last night. I don't know what I was thinking." Lucas began eagerly. "Actually, that's lie. I do know what I was thinking. I was thinking that you are amazing and you're boys are amazing and Sawyer loves you and I love you. And it was just in that moment, it just felt right." He paused for a second. "I shouldn't have blindsided you like that, though. I'm sorry."

"It's OK." Brooke nodded. "I mean, if I'm being honest it wasn't that big of a blindside. We both saw what was happening between us. You just had the guts to act on it." Brooke slowly sat down on the couch and Lucas took a seat next to her. "What do you want from me, Luke?"

"Nothing! Brooke, I swear. I'm not expecting anything, I just… spending time with you and the boys, I guess it reminded me of Angie and the way we took care of her together."

"That was a long time ago, Luke. It was a lifetime ago." Brooke sighed a little.

"I know." Luke nodded. "I'm sorry for last night. I'm not sorry that I kissed you, because I could never be sorry for that. But I am sorry for making things more difficult for you."

"I'm not sorry you kissed me either." Brooke said finally, slowly looking over at Lucas and she felt her heart start of pound a little harder when he smiled down at her, his gaze softening.

"I am so glad to hear you say that." Before he could stop himself, Luke reached out to tuck a piece of hair behind Brooke's ear. "Pretty Girl…" He slowly leaned forward but Brooke abruptly pulled away.

"Luke wait." Brooke quickly stood, moving to put some distance between them and Lucas got to his feet as well. "Look, I'm going to be honest with you here OK. I am kind of freaking out about all of this, because honestly I don't know if I can do this. There is something here. I know that. There's always been something here, but Julian's barely gone and I don't know if I'm ready, so we need to take this slow, OK?" Brooke looked at him pleadingly and Luke's gaze immediately softened again as he crossed the room to envelop her in his arms.

"We can take it as slow as you need, Pretty Girl." Lucas whispered into her hair.

"And I don't want to tell the boys… or Sawyer. Not yet anyway." Brooke pulled away to look up at him. "Not until we know what this is."

"I agree completely." Luke smiled softly down at her, tightening his arms around her again and once again Brooke pulled away.

"There's just one last thing…" Brooke said, her tone causing Lucas to pause. "Luke, I need you to promise that no matter what happens here, if we end up crashing and burning as usual…" Brooke shook her head and blinked back tears. "I need you to promise me that I'm not going to lose you this time; that the boys won't lose you because we need you in our lives. I need you in my life. I don't want things to get strained if for some reason this doesn't happen. I just got you back. I can't lose you again."

"Well, first I would like to say that if this does happen, I don't think we're going to crash and burn. Not this time." Lucas said, wiping a lone tear from Brooke's cheek. "But no matter what happens, Brooke I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me. I'm always going to be here Brooke, no matter what. I promise." Lucas took Brooke's face in both hands and looked down at her softly for a second before pressing a tender kiss on her lips.

**2****nd**** A/N - just wanted to make a quick comment on the Brooke & Clay relationship. When I started writing this story I always pictured Clay being the one that would be able to understand Brooke the most in this situation because he went through it himself and I always wished that Clay & Brooke had had more interaction on the show, so I wrote it myself. I'd love to hear what you all thought of Brooke & Clay (both in this story and what happened on the show). OK that's it. Once again, please, please review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N - Hi Folks so here is the next chapter. So sorry for the delay. I hope you like it. I'm hoping to get another chapter posted before the holidays, but I'm not sure. I can't promise, but I am going to try. **

**Please take the time to leave a review. Constructive criticism is always welcome :) **

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"Look Daddy! Brooke made me a dress! Isn't it pretty?!" Sawyer came running into the living room.

"Oh, wow!" Lucas looked up from where he was playing Legos with Davis and Jude and grinned at his daughter. "You look beautiful, baby."

"Thanks Daddy. Brooke said that she would make me one in red. Red is her favourite color too!" Sawyer swung the skirt of the dress back and forth in a way that reminded him of Brooke.

"Oh really, well did you thank Brooke for being so generous." Lucas glanced up as Brooke came into the room.

"Oh Lucas, Sawyer doesn't have to thank me. She's my goddaughter and my namesake." Brooke laid her hands on Sawyer's shoulders.

"No, Daddy's right. Thank you Aunt Brooke." Sawyer looked up at Brooke.

"Oh, well you're welcome, sweetheart. I was happy to do it." Brooke planted a kiss on the top of her head. "Hey, so we need to go soon. Did you want to help Davis and Jude gather their things and then your dad is going to take the three of you to see your mom while I go to the café."

"OK." Sawyer nodded. "Come on guys. We're going to hang out with my mom at Tric. It's so much fun there!" Sawyer led the twins out of the room and Brooke couldn't help but smile as she watched them go.

"They are so adorable." Brooke glanced over at Lucas, who was watching her from the table with a smile. "What?"

"You're amazing." Lucas stood up, crossing the room to wrap his arms around her waist, pulling her to him.

"Lucas, the kids…" Brooke pushed against his chest, glancing over her shoulder.

"So, lets just tell them." Luke tightened his arms around her. "Maybe the boys are too young to figure it out, but Sawyer is a smart kid. She knows something is going on." Brooke was quiet for a long time as she looked up at him, before wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head against his chest. Her eyes landed on the framed photo hanging on the wall in the living room and she felt a tug on her heart.

"We will." Brooke glanced up at him. "I promise. I just…" Brooke stopped as they heard the kids making their way down the hall and she quickly stepped out of Luke's arms.

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"So, what has been going on with you lately, Brooke?" Haley asked with a smile as the two of them were closing up the café.

"What do you mean?" Brooke paused from wiping down the counter and looked up at her best friend.

"I don't know. " Haley shrugged. "You've just been sort of MIA the last while."

"What? I've seen you Haley. I was at the house last weekend and we see each other all the time here." Brooke shook her head, throwing a peculiar look in Haley's direction before returning to her cleaning.

"I know that, but we haven't really spent a lot of time together lately. You know, just Tigger and Tutor-Mom time." Haley nudged Brooke with her elbow and Brooke looked up again.

"No, I guess we haven't, have we?" Brooke said after a moment. "I'm sorry about that. I guess I've just been busy the last little while. And the rare times I get a break from the boys I've been trying to spend some time alone with…" Brooke suddenly broke off and Haley stopped what she was doing to look at her.

"You've been trying to spend some alone time with who?" Haley eyed her best friend closely and Brooke grimaced for a second. "Brooke Davis-Baker, spill it!"

"OK, it's not a big deal so you need to not make a big deal about it." Brooke said seriously and Haley nodded. "Luke and I have been spending some time alone lately."

"What?!" Haley's eyes almost bugged out of her head. "Really?"

"Hales…"

"Right. Sorry. Not making a big deal out of it." Haley grabbed Brooke's hand and forced to sit down at counter, taking a seat on the stool next to her. "But when? How? I can't believe neither one of you told me."

"It wasn't just you. We haven't told anyone yet. I mean, Clay and Peyton know something happened but they don't know that anything became of it." Brooke paused for a second. "I wanted to tell you Hales, but considering how screwed up my past is with Lucas and the fact I'm still not really sure that I'm even ready for this, we agreed to keep it quiet at least until we knew what it was and if it was going anywhere."

"Well, I guess that slip of the tongue means that it's going somewhere?" Haley raised her eyebrows at Brooke and the tiny brunette couldn't stop a smile from spreading across her face.

"It's been nice." Brooke nodded. "Spending time with him and getting to know him again…" Brooke trailed off.

"What?" Haley asked and Brooke just shrugged. "Brooke, what? Come on, talk to me." Haley reached for her hand and Brooke glanced over.

"He's been so great. He's let me set the pace of this. He doesn't push for more than I'm ready to give and he's amazing with the boys."

"Well, that's a good thing, right?" Haley asked, watching Brooke closely.

"Yeah, it's a great thing." Brooke nodded. "He makes me happy, Hales, and sometimes that still makes me feel guilty. I watch him with the boys and I just feel sad and guilty."

"You deserve to be happy, Brooke. You shouldn't feel guilty about that. Besides you and Lucas have such a long history and you've been friends for so long, it makes sense." Haley wrapped her arm around her friend. "I don't know what's going to happen between you and Lucas in the future, but I do know the two of you love each other. And I think that that love has many different layers to it."

"The boys are crazy about him." Brooke smiled a little but her smile quickly faded, her eyes clouding over and Haley watched her for a second.

"He's not replacing Julian." Haley said, reaching for Brooke's hand again. "He will never replace Julian. Julian is their father. No one will ever replace him. But can I just say one thing?" Haley looked at her expectantly and Brooke nodded. "He loves your boys so if this thing between you and Lucas did turn into something serious, something permanent, they could do a lot worse."

"I know they could." Brooke nodded, smiling a little.

"Oh my God! I just realized that you could be sister-in-law!" Haley practically squealed and Brooke's eyes widened as she looked at her friend. "Sorry. This is probably why you decided not to tell any of us, right? To avoid statements like that."

"Hales, you need to keep this to yourself OK?" Brooke said seriously. "Especially around the boys."

"I know! I know! I'm sorry. It's just. It's you and Lucas. I can't help but get excited about it!" Haley couldn't stop a smile from spreading across her face and Brooke just looked at her. "OK, OK! I'll be good. I promise."

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"So, apparently Haley knows?" Lucas murmured into Brooke's ear, bracing his hands against the counter on either side of Brooke, effectively trapping her between the counter, where she was preparing a snack for kids, and his body.

"I kind of accidentally let it slip." Brooke turned to look up at him, leaning against the counter, extremely aware of how close he was. "Sorry."

"Hey, you don't have to apologize to me." Lucas stepped closer and Brooke could feel the heat coming from his body. "I want to scream this from the rooftop." His hands gently moved down her arms, before settling on her hips.

"Luke…" Brooke tried to pry his hands from her but Lucas' tightened his hold on her.

"Brooke, lets just tell them. Peyton knows, Haley knows…"

"Clay knows…" Brooke interrupted and Lucas looked down at her, slightly surprised. "What? He's my friend, Luke. And he understands what I'm going through because he went through it."

"Yeah, we were friends once…" Luke muttered under his breath and Brooke just looked at him.

"Are you being serious right now?" Brooke shook her head in disbelief. "He's married to Quinn!"

"So you're telling me that you guys have never…" Lucas trailed off, raising his eyebrows to finish the question. "Not even before him and Quinn."

"No! We've never." Brooke shook her head. "Julian and I were together when I met Clay and he only had eyes for Quinn from the moment she came back to Tree Hill."

"OK!" Lucas held his hands up in surrender. "Sorry. I just… he's a good looking guy and…"

"While I find it endearing, you have nothing to be jealous about. There's no competition. Not with Clay or anyone else." Brooke stepped closer, sliding her hands up his chest.

"Well, that's not entirely true, is it?" The words were out of Lucas' mouth before he could stop them and he immediately wished that he could shove them back in, especially when he saw the look on Brooke's face.

"I can not believe you just said that." Brooke pushed away from him and turned back to the counter, continuing to slice apples for Sawyer, Davis and Jude. "I'm sorry that you feel threatened because I haven't completely erased my husband, the father of my children, from every facet of my life." Brooke took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in her throat as she placed the apple slices on a plate. "I told you that this was going to take some time. You said you understood that, obviously you didn't mean it." Brooke shook her head, brushing past him and heading toward the living room to give the snacks to the kids, who were set up in the living room watching _Frozen_.

"Brooke, you know I didn't mean it like that." He grabbed her hand and pulled her back into the kitchen and away from the kids, who didn't even seem to notice to commotion. "But we have been hiding this from everyone and that's not what I wanted. That's what you wanted, because you weren't ready. And I get that, I do. But, you can't stand there and tell me that I have nothing to be jealous about; that I'm not competing with anyone. Because it doesn't matter if we last another week or another year or another 50 years, I will always be competing with Julian. I'll always know that I'm only here because he isn't. And maybe I'm an asshole for saying that, but you can't tell me I'm wrong."

"That's not fair, Lucas." Brooke shook her head as tears filled her eyes. "You picked Peyton. You married her and you left." She quickly brushed the tears from her eyes. "I don't know if you're looking for some kind of apology from me. I mean, is that it? Do you want me to say I'm sorry for moving on? For not waiting for you? For not sitting around and hoping that you and Peyton would fall apart? Well, that's not going to happen, Lucas. I fell in love with Julian. I built a life with him. I was happy and I will not apologize for that."

"I don't want you to apologize, Brooke. I'm glad that you found Julian. You deserved to be loved like that. And I wasn't able to love you that way back then. But at the end of the day, I am only here because he's not." Lucas paused for a moment, running his fingers through his hair with a sigh. "You're not the only one who's living with the ghost of Julian Baker. It's not easy, when the woman you love is still wearing the ring of another man," Brooke looked down at her left hand before slowly looking back up at Lucas. "And I know that you're not ready to take it off yet. I understand that but it's still hard. It's hard when you pull away from me so the boys won't see. It's hard when I see you staring at a picture of Julian while _I'm _holding you."

"Lucas, I…" Brooke began, but stopped as she stared up into his blue eyes.

"I am in love with you, Brooke Davis-Baker. I have been in love with you in one way or another since I was 16 years old. I'm not asking you to erase Julian…" he paused for a moment. "It's just difficult."

"Lucas, I'm sorry." Brooke's voice was barely a whisper and Lucas sighed.

"Brooke, I already told you, I'm not looking for an apology." Lucas brushed the hair from her face.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to say." Brooke shrugged helplessly. "I can't change this, Lucas. I don't want you to feel like you're competing with him, but Julian was my husband. We were supposed to spend…"

"The rest of your lives together." Lucas finished for her and Brooke looked down at her hands.

"Lucas, why do you think this is so difficult for me?" Brooke sat down at the table and Lucas followed suite, sitting across from her. "You just said it, Julian and I were supposed to spend our lives together. That was the plan. But now he's gone and you're here. Lucas Scott. The first boy who bothered to look past the party girl and actually see me. The first boy I ever loved. The only boy I've ever looked back on and wondered what if about." Brooke sniffled, reaching for a tissue and wiping her nose. "And now, we get a second chance and that makes me so happy and then I start to think that if I'm happy that I get a second chance with you, does that mean that there's a part of me that's happy Julian is gone?"

"Brooke, that's not what that means…" Lucas stood from his chair and circled the table to pull her into his arms.

"I love you." Brooke pulled away to look at him. "I have loved you in one way or another since I was 16 years old." Lucas smiled as she repeated his words back to you. "I'm not trying to push you away and I'm not trying to hold on to a ghost. I'm just trying to find the balance. I'm trying to figure out how I let myself open up to the prospect of me and you again, when I got that chance because Julian is gone; because my sons are going to grow up without their father." Brooke paused for a second, shrugging helplessly. "I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't."

"This right here… you and me…. What's going on between us…" Lucas motioned between the two of them. "Brooke, it doesn't change what you had with Julian. It doesn't take away from the time that you had with him. Am I happy that we get a second chance? Of course, I am. But I would give it up in a heartbeat if it meant that I could take away that pain for you. I would walk away in a second if that would bring Julian back to you and the boys."

"I know you would." Brooke shook her head as tears filled her eyes. "That's just one of the many reasons why I love you, Lucas Scott." Brooke paused for a second to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"I'm sorry I pushed you." Lucas says after a moment. "It's just hard competing with his memory." Brooke is quiet for a long moment before she shakes her head again.

"You're not competing with him, Lucas, but his presence is always going to be here. All you have to do is look at the boys and he's right there. I can't change that. But, I am sorry for not realizing you were dealing with your own demons." Brooke leaned against his shoulder and Lucas dropped a kiss on her temple. "But I think you're right." She looked up at him slowly and Lucas looked down, eyebrow raised in question. "We should tell everyone. We should tell the boys and Sawyer."

"Brooke, no, it's OK. We don't have to. I was just feeling insecure and…" Lucas tried to protest but Brooke held her hand up to stop him.

"I want to Lucas. I need to, because as long I'm hiding this, its like I'm ashamed of it. Ashamed of us. And I'm not. I just need to do one thing, first."

OTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTH

"Hey Baby." Brooke took a deep breath as she sat down on the grass by Julian's headstone, not caring that her tan pants were most likely getting covered in grass stains. "I'm sorry that I haven't been to visit you in a while. I've been busy. The boys, they keep my busy." Brooke licked her lips nervously as she twisted her wedding ring around her finger. "And what little free time I have, I try to spend with Lucas." Brooke broke off and looked up at the stone, almost as though she expected Julian to be sat in front of her. "I know you probably think I've lost my mind. I mean, it's me and Lucas. I'm just a footnote in his story with Peyton, right?" Brooke paused for a second. "I didn't want to believe it. I denied that it was happening, but the truth is there has always been a connection between me and Lucas. It evolved and it changed over the years, but it's always been there."

Brooke took a deep breath and slowly let it out, glancing around the graveyard before looking back at Julian's headstone and feeling her heart clench, the way it always did she thought of him.

"Please don't think that this means that I don't miss you, because I do. I miss you so much. I miss you every single day and no matter what happens between me and Lucas, nothing is ever going to change that. Nothing is ever going to change how much I love you.; how much I will always love you." Brooke quickly swiped at her cheeks. "You fixed me, Julian Baker. When I was broken, you didn't put just put me back together, you did something even better; you gave me the strength to put myself back together. You showed what it meant to really love someone. As crazy as it sounds, loving you made me it possible for me to love Lucas again."

Taking a deep breath, she kissed the tips of her fingers and gently pressed them against the cool stone.

"I love you, baby. I will always love you."


End file.
